Casa De Mi Padre

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Let me start by saying I am a big Will Ferrell fan and he makes me giggle like nobody else can. Let me also start, albeit as a second point, by saying that I didn't know what to make of this at first. Obviously, it was a comedy, but it took me a little while to realize where the humor lay. Then I got it, and damn it: I wish I had been high.

'Being high' comment put aside, I like to think I know a thing or two about films. I'm no expert, but I've seen my share of films. This movie is, I suppose, making fun of low-budget Mexican cinema. And that's cool. But if I have no idea if that's the case or not, do the other people?
Well, some do... I am guessing this film was made for the Mexicans living in the US. Again: that's cool. I mean, it's smart: it's a big community and lots of cash is to be had there. But... I did laugh quite a few times, but sometimes I 'merely' smiled, figuring that what I was watching was some kind of reference that Mexicans would get, but I totally didn't. That made me feel a bit left out.

I mean, what's next? An Uzbek-road movie spoof? A Nicaraguan coming-of-age spoof? A Nepalese rom-com spoof? I am not saying these would be bad, just that, well... it kinda alienates the audience. A bit. I am sure many Mexican films are being spoofed in this here movie, but the only people who'd get all those references, apart from the director, would be Alfonso Arau and Robert Rodriguez. And I'm sure Tarantino would totally pretend that he got it, too.
Speaking of which: what Grind House does, pretending to be tongue-in-cheek but deep-down feeling like they are artists, this film does by not using crappy film stock or horrible acting or bad directing. Just cheesy-directing, obviously done on purpose. Plus it makes you smile, and sometimes even laugh. And, I can't stress this enough: no horrible grainy 70s film stock. That counts for something.

Anyway, they do take that 'low-budget cheese' to a whole new level. Look at the 'extras' in the background, who are actually mannequins, the fake-looking sets, the 'car' finding a parking spot, the weird editing 'mistakes,' the 'crew' seen in reflections. And of course: one of the weirdest, cheesiest 'sex scenes' ever (the weirdest is still the one from 'Team America.' Fuck, yeah!).

But that's the thing... I noticed these things, as many people have too, of course. And that makes it funny.
But first-degree idiots (I didn't say 'Americans.' I almost did, but I didn't) will think the dialogue is bad and the film is just not funny because no one mentions dicks or shit. Well, okay, there is a dick joke, but I suspect this was put in because of the test audiences who probably wrote: 'What the fuck? This ain't
in American and there are no dick jokes!'

I would like to also say that the 'musical numbers' are, of course, cheesy but... I actually enjoyed them! Come on: 'A Whiter Shade of Pale' in Spanish? Awesome! The other songs and the music was also quite beautiful. Yes, yes: I said it: beautiful. But I'm a typical gringo. Give me a non-Gringo tempo and non Anglo-Saxon lyrics and I wax lyrical, thinking I am a cultured person who loves the world. (But, no, really: I really liked the music!)

So, what's the point of this film, aside from the humor (which, let's face it is already more than enough)? Well, I have a Spanish-speaking friend and I like to speak 'Spanish' to him saying things like 'Muy caliente! Puneta! Caramba!' And other vaguely offensive shit. My guess is that Will Ferrell finds speaking Spanish as amusing as I do, but he can have a film made around that. At the risk of repeating myself: that's cool.

On top of that, you have Nick Offerman, who as always totally rules. 'Do you speak American,' encapsulate the arrogance of the US of A. It's also pretty fun to see Bernal (that dude just rules. I'm not ashamed to say  I got a total man-crush on him) and Luna in a film again. Although I kept expecting a 'Y Tu Mama Tabien' reference... Although maybe there were some that I missed.
Or I guess you could also argue that this is could totally be a sequel.

The parts where I laughed most were Will trying to put the girl on the horse (what can I say, I'm a fool for slapstick), the bad guy smoking two cigarillos at once, and the wedding scene, with the groom smoking (and when later on he's fighting and enjoying a drink). Also, the guy with a bullet hole calmly sitting and smoking.
It doesn't take much to make me laugh, what can I say... Apparently I'm a sucker for 'smoking humour,' which is good since half the jokes fit in that very category. I'm not even exaggerating, see the sequence after the credits if you don't believe me. But I also loved Emilio Sanchez's 'message' (even though, or perhaps because, it made me think of the Monty Pythons, or Les Nuls).
And the 'vision' was awesome (and it had more 'smoking humour').

Shit, they even managed to fit a reference to Eisenstein. I hadn't seen that since Woody Allen (and, well, DePalma).

Oh, and of course, it would be weird if I didn't mention it: the girl is super hot. I really felt I had to mention that. Because she really, really is.
La chica es muy caliente!

So, it's an unusual film and its humor is pretty off beat. I enjoyed it, I laughed, I giggled and I am guessing it's the kind of film that gets better the more you watch and which will be a quotable classic in the not-so-distant-future. I am also guessing that as Borat pissed of Kazakhs, this film will piss off Mexicans if you quote it to them. So, you know: don't.

PS: Completely unrealted, but disturbing nonetheless... The Turkish wine I was drinking while watching this film tasted like Bulgarian rakia. Again: unrelated. But pretty weird, no?

Get The Gringo

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If 'Midnight Express' offended and keeps on offending the Turks (who, let's face it, are not the most
forgiving people), even though the prison depicted in the film looks better than most neighborhoods in Istanbul (oh, no he didn't!), anyway, this being said...
If the Turks are pissed off at 'Midnight Express' (ME, haha), then the Mexicans should take arms and rebel against 'Get The Gringo,' because all the clichés are there. And then some. It feels and looks like 'GTA' meets 'Max Payne' (the games, not the film) meets 'Escape from LA.' Meets Robert Rodriguez.

But, hey: at least the main actor is known for his positive reinforcment and love of humanity. Oh, wait...
Well... Shit... After the antisemitic rants and the anti-Russian-wife threats and the anger towards screenwriters, I guess the only next logical step had to be Mexicans. And of course only a white man could sort out all the shit that's going on in the Mexican penal system. And then there are massive shoot-outs with no repercussions whatsoever (okay, no: I am lying, the repercussions do happen. A week or so later). And apparently people can just leave whenever they want to, or whenever they get an ID. 'Heeey, preeson ees notheen' maaan!'

So he's in a Mexican prison. Where women live and there are children. And guns. So, he's basically in Tijuana, but not Tijuana to not insult too  many people. It is renamed 'The Little Village' (at least I think that's what El Pueblito means. Maybe it means 'He Who Hates Foreigners.'), and it is a maximum security prison. But, you know: women and children.
So thanks to the rather loose security, he forms a bond with a kid (how original, right?) and there's even a kind of love story (with a woman, not the kid. Don't be a perv'.) Also, I realize that it might all be part of the character and shit, but at this point hearing Mel Gibson say: 'These two coons start shooting,' sounds more offensive than any line from any Tarantino film. I agree I am getting too PC for my own good in my old age, but come on... It's Mel Gibson: the crazy racist drunk. And he makes racist speeches in his films? Is Icon backed by the KKK at this point? Or Mengele's great-grandson? (To avoid any kind of libel suit, allow me to state that I do not believe Icon is backed by the KKK since the KKK is not actually needed at this point in Icon's history.) It's even worse when you realize that Gibson is one of the writers, so he probably wrote that one line and then got drunk and demanded a writing credit.

I realize that everything I've written almost makes this film sound pretty awesome. And it sometimes is. The opening is quite cool and there are some nice scenes. Furthermore, unlike any prison movie ever, there are no rape scenes. I'm not complaining about that, but it is a bit weird. Then again, there are women and whores who visit regularly, so this might explain that. Although, there is an attempted man-on-woman rape, but come on: they're Mexicans, so you know that's normal for them, or at least that's probably what the director and writers think. I'm surprised we don't see anyone wearing a sombrero asking where the tequila's at.

Although, apparently, El Pueblito is a real location. So if there are actual places like that in this world, well then... This reinforces my hate for humanity even more. Plus I'm shocked to learn that corruption in Mexico exists. Actually, this was a nice line at the beginning... A Mexican cop tells an American cop: 'Look, you're corrupt, we're corrupt. The only difference is that we're honest about it.'

Anyway, I didn't hate the film. If you forgo reality and think of it as a graphic novel or a game, then it can be
pretty entertaning. When I say forgo reality, I am serious... During a surgery in which two people have their
bodies wide open (literally), two gun men enter the place. Yeah, well: germs. The two people are goners.
Unless cordite is super good on open wounds, I don't know. Yes, this is actually the one thing that made me think: 'Hmm... That can't happen in real life.' I am weird that way.

The only problem is: it's neither a graphic novel nor a game. You can feel that the director sometimes tries
to make you think it's a Tony Scott film, but it ain't. It's all over the place, it can't decide whether it's a comedy, a fun action film, or a serious drama. It's not boring per se, but, well... It's all over the place. But, again: it is pretty entertaining and being entertained isn't a bad thing at all, is it?

Also, I realize I am mentionning this whenever I write about a Mel Gibson film, but I still expected him to put on nipple clamps and run around making Daffy Duck sounds. But apparently he only does that when he thinks he's not being recorded.

Coming soon: 'Get The Gringo 2.' The Gringo is in Afghanistan, in a prison and all the prisoners are terrorists and they're of course all competing on who's got the most fabulous facial hair. Mel Gibson manages to eradicate terrorism in the world.

Shit, better yet: 'Get The Gringo 3,' starring Mel Gibson. The Gringo's in Israel...

PS: I loved the Volkswagen graveyard location. And it's always nice to see Peter Stormare.

Baraka

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In a word: Wow.

After watching it, I told a friend: 'I've just watched Baraka. I now hate humans even more.' To which he replied: 'It's even worse now than when they shot it.'
It sure is.

Incredible images that you have to see on a big screen or at least in high definition. Very, very high def. The quality of the images and of the sound is primordial, since that's what this is all about.

So, yes it has beautiful images, but also disturbing ones, and it's a wonderful film, an obvious labor of love. I sometimes smiled and, yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it, I sometimes shed tears at the stupidity of humanity.

Because, yes: it makes you think about nature and the nature of humans. We're on this planet and we're supposedly superior beings. We demolish in a split second what took thousands of years to be.
What we call animals just chill. Meanwhile we rush around and live in filth and we keep on reproducing.
What's a savage? A person who lives in small tribes, more or less happily, or the so-called civilized people,
rushing around like mindless drones, living off trash, creating trash, exploiting one another as well as other species for our instant gratification? Our nicotine buzz, our sex drive, our desire to be 'civilized,' ignoring what these cost to the people who work ceaselessly to provide us with said-gratifications.

Seeing this film makes you think that we, as humans, do not deserve this planet and we do not deserve life because it was given to us and we're squandering it away. In short, no surprise there: we're morons. We build, we build and then we build some more and we kill and we exploit and we don't realize that we're being exploited by our own greed. And we've been doing it since for ever.
At the risk of repeating myself: truly, we are fucked. And watching this film 20 years after it was shot reinforces this.

We live in slums and filth and we keep on mulitplying and we keep on asking for more. We pray, we kill, we dance. Sometimes we fuck. That's what we are. So, please: let's not say we are animals. That is just unfair to the animals. Let's say that the animals are lucky not to be humans.

Yes, we are capable of building or creating works of great beauty, but we always end up destroying them.
Or nature claims them back. So what's the point of it all?

By the way, and this is an important point: Because I am a misanthrope doesn't mean that the director is.
Quite the contrary, I do believe the director is saying that yes: we are sometimes complete assholes and we turn to shit whatever we touch. But... But we are also capable of beauty and understanding. And this point is exemplified by this film. So what I gleaned from this film might not have been the director's main point. But I suspect it might be.

My only small criticism, which is going to make me sound like the kind of people I hate, but oh well... When religions are first shown, we are shown Judaism first. When atrocities are first shown, we are shown Auschwitz first. This feels a bit too subjective. But, okay, whatever. In the end they're showing that no matter what your faith is, it's pretty much the same as all the other ones. You chant, you pray. You can pray all you want, we're all doomed anyway.

So, most religions are the same, they're all silly and pointless. And when we see a religious ritual we're not familiar with, we either laugh and point, shaking our head and calling the people silly. Or we recoil in horror and call them barbarians. Meanwhile we forget the one thing all religions claim to preach: tolerance.

The greatest day in the history of the universe will be when we, as a species, will be wiped out, as is bound to happen because frankly: we're fucking it all up. Good riddance. The world will go on. Let's hope the Mayans were right. Although since they were humans and thus assholes, they probably weren't.

Well, fuck.

Coming up after these messages: the genocide of the humans by the humans continues! But first, a message from our sponsors to make sure you keep on buying shit.

PS: Completely unrealted and attempting to end this on a lighter note: How's that for a name: Baraka O'Bama. Notice the Irish touch.

God Bless America

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Oh. My. God: There are other people out there who feel the same way I do.

I want to meet Mr Goldwaith and hug him and buy him a drink. And then punch him in the face, because fuck: I wish I'd written this film. Then hug him again, apologize for the punch, and buy him another drink.

How did this get passed the censorship bureau? I mean, the MPAA. And I'm sure that as soon as you buy this film or even add it to your cart (as I have), your get flagged by the CIA/FBI/NSA. Because, you know: freedom. And I certainly hope that Mr Goldwaith will enjoy the rest of his life in Gitmo. Because, you know, again: freedom.

This is pure unadulterated fun written by a funny and very pissed off man. (For the record, I enjoyed 'Shakes the Clown,' thinking it was kinda fucked up. But this is way more fucked up and better.)

The screenplay could have been written by the love child of George Carlin and Lewis Black. It decries all the absurdities of the modern US:. The mindless TV shows, the narrow-minded bigoted selfish 'patriots,' the lack of civilization and manners, the hypocrisy of the system, the lack of job security, the crumbling down of social interactions, the obsession with making everything 'extreme.' And high-fives. And Diablo Cody.

It's all there. I don't want to give you examples, because I don't want to spoil anything for you (for once), but the end message is: we've turned into a nation of spoiled brainless cunts.

I did say 'we.' I am American and I know I'm a brainless cunt. Which makes me slightly less brainless and less cunty by, well, a cunt's hair. But, to my credit, I made it out of the country before I turned into a complete robot (or did I? How can I know?).

So, back to the USA as a nation of cunts...
How did this happen? There was a time when saying you were American held some kind of positive meaning. These days, we're a nation of fat lazy hypocrites who support our troops, while turning a blind eye to the genocides happening around the world, and voting for the best New Jersey Douche, the Best Talentless Singer, the Most Fearless Dickwad, etc... etc... etc...
Reality TV? What kind of reality is this? It's certainly not MY reality. A bunch of rich whiny brats? That's not even escapism, or 'love to hate' kind of shit. It's pure and simple dumb entertainment. Makes me think of Frankie Boyle, wondering why TV execs bother with showing us these shows anymore since someone jangling a set of keys at the camera and saying 'Look at the shiny-shiny!' would serve the same purpose. And of course: 'Futurama's' Hypnotoad also comes to mind.

Hey, isn't it interesting that to berate pop culture, I've just used two examples from pop culture? It's a vicious circle. We're all fucked. And we're being fucked on a daily basis. The difference is that I know this is happening, so I lube up. It makes it less painful.

All I can say is that I agree 100% with everything the main character says and I've had the same fantasies he's having (involving a gun and obnoxious people).

Okay, not to sound like a gushing fan and to be fair: it does feel a bit like this film is a way for the writer/director to air out all of his grievances and the story, in the beginning, is a bit clichéd in a 'worst day ever' kind of thing. But then he decides to right all the wrongs. And it's awesome and it's violent and it's sometimes unexpected and the comedy is dark as hell.
There are also some rather big plot holes, but really: who cares? Also, my guess is that Mr Goldwaith is a big 'Man Bites Dog' fan.
To be even more fair, it does drag a wee bit towards the end, because it sometimes feels like Goldwaith is making a list of all the things he hates about modern-day America and we know how it's all going to end.

This film also reminded me of 'Falling Down,' where someone just can't take it anymore (yeah, like 'Network,' too) and in the end this person goes too far and is vilified and becomes the bad guy. Well, fuck: if being good means being a mindless robot-consumer, fine: label me a bad guy. Which now reminds me of a George Carlin quote: 'I guess I'm not a very good American, because I like to form my own opinions.'

Yes, they (the protagonists, not the filmmakers) take it a little too far and it makes you wonder, for a second: 'Well, did they really deserve to die?' Then you think: 'Is the world a better place without them?' And the answer is a loud, resounding 'YES.' So, murder is, well: murder. But then there's Darwinism. But also, there's a fine line between hero vigilante and homicidal maniac.
I guess, shit, bad news friend: but in the end you're gonna have to decide on your own what kind of people they are: heroes or maniacs. Or both. (This brings up yet another quote, from the 'Three Amigos:' 'We're just gonna have to use our brains. Damn it!')

So, yeah: I liked the film.

The opening scene alone, involving the neighbors, is priceless. I can imagine American audiences gasping and saying: 'Oh, my God' -or what would pass for that if you could understand them while they were shoveling popcorn in their mouths- and then they'd get up from their seats, mumbling 'I don't think that's funny. I'm sorry, I just don't think it's funny.' And they'd go back to the box office to get reimbursed (which would be a word they didn't understand) and they'd buy a ticket for 'The Avengers,' 'Titanic 3-D' or whatever else would prevent them from forming any kind of thought. And of course, on their way to the new film, they'd buy another tub of popcorn and an extra-large bucket of bubbly syrup.

Ah, fuck... We're doomed. I can hear Nero playing his fiddle.

In the end, I guess all I'm saying is that the American media are now a giant nation-wide Ludovico Treatment and we are grinning volunteers, turning into junkies, asking for more. Wake up, America! There's a whole world out there, where people don't need corn syrup in everything they eat, where health-care is not regarded as a Communist plot and where you don't have to be a hypocritical, politically-correct, asshole in your day-to-day life.

Wake up. Get up. Stand up. And, you know... the other things Bob Marley sang about. As Eddy Izzard, and the main character in this film, pointed out: we're the new Roman Empire and we're way past our glory.

PS: It is so perfectly serendipitous that I watched this film on July 4th.