Get The Gringo

IMDb Link

If 'Midnight Express' offended and keeps on offending the Turks (who, let's face it, are not the most
forgiving people), even though the prison depicted in the film looks better than most neighborhoods in Istanbul (oh, no he didn't!), anyway, this being said...
If the Turks are pissed off at 'Midnight Express' (ME, haha), then the Mexicans should take arms and rebel against 'Get The Gringo,' because all the clichés are there. And then some. It feels and looks like 'GTA' meets 'Max Payne' (the games, not the film) meets 'Escape from LA.' Meets Robert Rodriguez.

But, hey: at least the main actor is known for his positive reinforcment and love of humanity. Oh, wait...
Well... Shit... After the antisemitic rants and the anti-Russian-wife threats and the anger towards screenwriters, I guess the only next logical step had to be Mexicans. And of course only a white man could sort out all the shit that's going on in the Mexican penal system. And then there are massive shoot-outs with no repercussions whatsoever (okay, no: I am lying, the repercussions do happen. A week or so later). And apparently people can just leave whenever they want to, or whenever they get an ID. 'Heeey, preeson ees notheen' maaan!'

So he's in a Mexican prison. Where women live and there are children. And guns. So, he's basically in Tijuana, but not Tijuana to not insult too  many people. It is renamed 'The Little Village' (at least I think that's what El Pueblito means. Maybe it means 'He Who Hates Foreigners.'), and it is a maximum security prison. But, you know: women and children.
So thanks to the rather loose security, he forms a bond with a kid (how original, right?) and there's even a kind of love story (with a woman, not the kid. Don't be a perv'.) Also, I realize that it might all be part of the character and shit, but at this point hearing Mel Gibson say: 'These two coons start shooting,' sounds more offensive than any line from any Tarantino film. I agree I am getting too PC for my own good in my old age, but come on... It's Mel Gibson: the crazy racist drunk. And he makes racist speeches in his films? Is Icon backed by the KKK at this point? Or Mengele's great-grandson? (To avoid any kind of libel suit, allow me to state that I do not believe Icon is backed by the KKK since the KKK is not actually needed at this point in Icon's history.) It's even worse when you realize that Gibson is one of the writers, so he probably wrote that one line and then got drunk and demanded a writing credit.

I realize that everything I've written almost makes this film sound pretty awesome. And it sometimes is. The opening is quite cool and there are some nice scenes. Furthermore, unlike any prison movie ever, there are no rape scenes. I'm not complaining about that, but it is a bit weird. Then again, there are women and whores who visit regularly, so this might explain that. Although, there is an attempted man-on-woman rape, but come on: they're Mexicans, so you know that's normal for them, or at least that's probably what the director and writers think. I'm surprised we don't see anyone wearing a sombrero asking where the tequila's at.

Although, apparently, El Pueblito is a real location. So if there are actual places like that in this world, well then... This reinforces my hate for humanity even more. Plus I'm shocked to learn that corruption in Mexico exists. Actually, this was a nice line at the beginning... A Mexican cop tells an American cop: 'Look, you're corrupt, we're corrupt. The only difference is that we're honest about it.'

Anyway, I didn't hate the film. If you forgo reality and think of it as a graphic novel or a game, then it can be
pretty entertaning. When I say forgo reality, I am serious... During a surgery in which two people have their
bodies wide open (literally), two gun men enter the place. Yeah, well: germs. The two people are goners.
Unless cordite is super good on open wounds, I don't know. Yes, this is actually the one thing that made me think: 'Hmm... That can't happen in real life.' I am weird that way.

The only problem is: it's neither a graphic novel nor a game. You can feel that the director sometimes tries
to make you think it's a Tony Scott film, but it ain't. It's all over the place, it can't decide whether it's a comedy, a fun action film, or a serious drama. It's not boring per se, but, well... It's all over the place. But, again: it is pretty entertaining and being entertained isn't a bad thing at all, is it?

Also, I realize I am mentionning this whenever I write about a Mel Gibson film, but I still expected him to put on nipple clamps and run around making Daffy Duck sounds. But apparently he only does that when he thinks he's not being recorded.

Coming soon: 'Get The Gringo 2.' The Gringo is in Afghanistan, in a prison and all the prisoners are terrorists and they're of course all competing on who's got the most fabulous facial hair. Mel Gibson manages to eradicate terrorism in the world.

Shit, better yet: 'Get The Gringo 3,' starring Mel Gibson. The Gringo's in Israel...

PS: I loved the Volkswagen graveyard location. And it's always nice to see Peter Stormare.