Patriots Day

Call me an innocent little pearly rose petal, you wouldn't be the first one, but I actually expected this movie to be OK. To be fair, I started watching it not knowing what it was gonna be about. Then I noticed Wahlberg's Boston accent and all the dates on screen and I thought: 'Hmm, I hope this isn't gonna be about the marathon bombing.'

Well, it is.

And subtle as fuck it is, too. To quote a friend of mine: 'What did you expect? The movie is called

“Patriots' Day,” not: “Bombing Is Everywhere and There's Nothing Special About America.”' (I did warn her I'd be stealing this quote).

The problem with writing about a film like this is that I might be called anti-American or be accused of supporting terrorists, just because it's about tragic real events.

I get it that this has to be red, white and blue, apple pie, Jameson, Boston, baseball, etc etc. But do the

writing and directing have to be so bad? Example: One guy is gonna lose his leg because of the bombing. Prior to that, EVERY TIME you see him, the camera focuses on his leg. At this point, it's not foreshadowing, it's just... well, it's just lazy directing.

This being said, the main cop has a leg injury. And we see disabled people with Pistorius legs. And just

a lot of other legs. I mean, I understand having a leg fetish, because, well, just because. But this is

just absurd.

I won't even talk about all the dramatic close-ups and hand-held shots spinning around a character. Well, I guess I've just talked about it, so there.

As for the writing, the two bombers are seen preparing for their attack and because we need to know they are brothers, the screenplay has a wonderful line. One brother says to the other: 'We are brothers, yes?' I am paraphrasing. And to be fair, since they're kinda ethnic, they might mean they're bros. But if you were born anytime before 2013, you already know they're brothers from the same mother anyway.

Then there's Marky Mark, people make fun of him at first, then end up respecting him, because character arc? I guess? Then there are the feds taking over and the cops resenting it. Yes, it's a real story, but it's full of clichés. Is it as bad as 'Lone Survivor'? Nope. But I think I'll skip the next Berg/Wahlberg film based on actual events all the same, because all that patriotism makes me gag.

Getting back to the shoddy writing: One of the brothers is so evil that when he sees there's a baby, he still puts his bomb down, not giving a shit about the baby.

A baby!

A chubby, white, American, Christian, innocent baby!

And a bit later we get a scene where he doesn't give a shit about what kind of milk his own baby likes! Oh, my God! You don't fuck with milk in the US of A, buddy.

On a side note, his wife is wearing a hijab, at home (as far as I know, women cover themselves when going out in public, not when they're at home), because the men look so much more evil if you see the woman forced to cover herself, or because audiences are so fucking stupid they really needed to be told that these people are not Christians. Because hating babies and killing Americans wasn't enough for us to know they were evil.

I think there was a scene in the first draft of the screenplay where one of the brothers was seen raping a puppy while his sibling was watching while skinning a kitten. But the CGI tests didn't pan out, so they scratched that scene. Apparently.

Yes, it was a horrendous day, it was a vile act. Innocent people died and got injured and that's always a tragedy.

This being said, how about a film about some village in Iraq or Afghanistan or Yemen or wherever. You see their day-to-day life, fetching water from the well, taking care of the cattle, playing in the fields, just being happy people. Then they get hit by a drone. All the children (and babies) die. Most adults are torn to shreds. A few people survive, not understanding what happened or why it happened. That's a tragedy, too. But they're not white folks, they don't eat burgers and apple pies. They fucking eat sheep and don't drink booze, so come on: deep down, you don't really think they deserve to live anyway. In a way, we're doing them a favor, 'cause who'd want to live this way, am I right?

The same above-mentioned friend mentioned (I know that's a repetition, see how much I give a fuck) 'Eye in the Sky,' which is a terrific film and hits some of the issues I mentioned (that's three times in one sentence, in case you were counting. Just thought I should mention it), but it's still seen from the eyes of Westerners. But, again: a really good film that's worth seeing.

So... Americans see films like this one and think: 'Those camel jockeys/Unbelievers need to die!' and folks in villages way out there die and their relatives think: 'Those Westerners/Infidels need to die!' And on and on it goes, oh what fun it all is.

Anyway...

Was it all bad? No, of course not. First, acting-wise, well: I am a fan of John Goodman (even with dyed eyebrows), Evan Rachel Woods, and JK Simmons. I like Mark Wahlberg and Kevin Bacon most of the time. The casting is good is what I'm saying.

The scene where Wahlberg gets all 'Mentalist,' thinking about the cameras, is pretty compelling. But when we see White Hat with another non-American looking dude, one cop says: 'Looks like they know each other.' Based on nothing at all, except for an image of them being not too far from each other. So our hero glares at the screen and mutters: 'Motherfucker, fucking piece of shit.' Because America, fuck yeah.

The shootout is also well done, but you tend to forget that it actually happened to real people. Just like 'Lone Survivor,' the film where when you see an American getting shot, it's in slow motion and you see them in agony and all his friends screaming 'Nooooooooo.' But then hundreds of random darkies get riddled with bullets and we're supposed to cheer. Subtle.

Speaking of subtlety, well the story could have been told in a more subtle way. But no. It has to be American values vs Islam. That's the kinda over-simplification that makes people vote for Trump. And then Hollywood gets all huffy and puffy about it. The same Hollywood that makes films like this. Dudes: do your part and then maybe, just maybe, you can complain about the state of the States.