I think I was supposed to laugh at some points. Because I could imagine McDonald's-fed all-American families, eating their canola-oil-drenched popcorn, going nuts over this:
Hahaha! He didn't know he was a father!
Hahaha! Her hands got caught in the trunk!
Hahaha! He's driving slow on the freeway!
Haha, they're mistaken for grandparents!
Oh, and HAHAHA! they're mistaken for a gay couple!
Haha.
Ha.
In my mind, they (the afore-mentioned all-American families) make Max Cady watching 'Problem Child' (that's right: 1991 reference, not 1962) sound like a shy Jehova witness casting her first election ballot (can you follow this?!).
This film is just too much.
Too much shit being spoon-fed to us by the Disney Company.
Fact: the protagonists' company's building looks fake. It's a computer image. A bad one, I can do better on Photoshop.
Fact: American brats need to get slapped once in a while.
Wow, hmm... Ponder, ponder this: they're all awkward with the kids at first. Are they gonna end up loving them? Hard to tell. It is a Disney film after all.
Anyway, the only way this could get worse is if they all of a sudden decided to go camping.
Oh, fuck. They're going camping.
Well, at least they're not having some kind of super-competitive ccompetition edited to some lame rock song.
Oh.
Fuck.
Me.
Well, at least they don't have 'balls in the balls' jokes...
Oh: come on!!!
Wait: When and how did Luis Guzman end up being an extra??
And for fuck's sake: Sticking out your pinkie is NOT a sign of nobility, just stupidity!
In the end, what really irks me is that I was so busy hating this film, I overcooked my Ikea meatballs. No, this is not a euphemism. It actually happened.
You know, it's movies like these that make me miss the summer when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out. At least, then, I felt something.
In concluding, I admit that maybe I was too drunk by then, but the third act just didn't make sense at all. It is unfortunate that Bernie Mac died, it really is. But I think he'd still be alive if he hadn't been in this film. I mean: I wanted to die, and all I did was watch it.
I've crossed the line, haven't I?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
2012
What. The. Fuck?!
Really?!
You see millions of people die horrible deaths, you know the world as we knew it is disappearing and you're not even a little bit traumatized?!
Your father dies and ten minutes later you flirt with a guy?!
Your father dies and ten minutes later you flirt with a gal?!
You build giant ships, ultra-modern, super-cool looking and you can't turn on the engines because a door doesn't close?!
You get Air-Force One thrown at you and nothing happens?!
Bentley actually needs advertising?!
A Russian bad guy?! Really? Is this 1980??
Should I keep going? I think not. Cusack, Glover, Newton, Segal: did you really need the money that badly? You couldn't turn down this 'film?' I know the crisis has hit hard, but come on...
So, yeah: avoid this film. The story is bad, it's predictable (the good guys don't die, except for Danny Glover), it's boring. I don't know what it says about me, but the only logical character was Oliver Platt. The ships were built to save humanity, to restart the world. So why the fuck should the masses be included? I'm with him on that one.
Africa is the only continent that survives. Cool, right? Sure, except that thousands and thousands of people are going to colonize it. I wonder if the Africans will be respected and spared. What do you think? Let's ask an Indian/Native American. Or, hell: let's ask an African.
Really?!
You see millions of people die horrible deaths, you know the world as we knew it is disappearing and you're not even a little bit traumatized?!
Your father dies and ten minutes later you flirt with a guy?!
Your father dies and ten minutes later you flirt with a gal?!
You build giant ships, ultra-modern, super-cool looking and you can't turn on the engines because a door doesn't close?!
You get Air-Force One thrown at you and nothing happens?!
Bentley actually needs advertising?!
A Russian bad guy?! Really? Is this 1980??
Should I keep going? I think not. Cusack, Glover, Newton, Segal: did you really need the money that badly? You couldn't turn down this 'film?' I know the crisis has hit hard, but come on...
So, yeah: avoid this film. The story is bad, it's predictable (the good guys don't die, except for Danny Glover), it's boring. I don't know what it says about me, but the only logical character was Oliver Platt. The ships were built to save humanity, to restart the world. So why the fuck should the masses be included? I'm with him on that one.
Africa is the only continent that survives. Cool, right? Sure, except that thousands and thousands of people are going to colonize it. I wonder if the Africans will be respected and spared. What do you think? Let's ask an Indian/Native American. Or, hell: let's ask an African.
Good Hair
My first thoughts went something like this: "Huh?! Hair? Huh?? Really?!" It's like Chris Rock decided to be Michael Moore and do a documentary. About hair.
But then it gets better... It becomes a comment on black women feeling the pressure to look "normal," "European." It's yet another way how white people fucked up everything for the rest of the world. We see women paying thousands (yes: THOUSANDS!) of dollars on a weave, when they can barely pay their rent or feed their children (well, Rev. Sharpton says that, you don't actually see it). We see black women and black girls (and toddlers) getting chemicals that melt Coke cans into their hair... No, I'm not saying they get Coke cans stuck into their hair and so the only way to get rid of them are the above-mentioned chemicals. I'm saying the shit they put in their hair can also melt Coke cans.
Anyway... Hair, all of a sudden, becomes something more.
Being intimate might mean sex, and grabbing breasts, but whatever you do: do NOT touch the hair! And when a guy in a barber shop says he might prefer white women, because he can touch their hair, it's fun to see how everyone goes nuts.
Hair as a divider, hair as a social comment. Kudos to Chris Rock for thinking about it. Or, I should say: for realizing it.
However, the film gets a bit bogged down with the hair competition. It feels a bit off topic and, quite honestly, a bit boring and it feels like a filler more than anything else.
The trip to India is interesting and kinda disgusting: hair being 'sacrificed' to the Gods and then being sold at an obscene profit by the temple... However, traveling from the States to India, doesn't really mean "all over the world," Chris.
So: interesting concept, some funny moments, but the hair competition ruins it.
But still: Hair competition? Am I the only one who didn't know this existed? And am I the only one to find this really REALLY silly?? I hope not. It looks like Chris sometimes want to say: "Get a life, people!"
But then it gets better... It becomes a comment on black women feeling the pressure to look "normal," "European." It's yet another way how white people fucked up everything for the rest of the world. We see women paying thousands (yes: THOUSANDS!) of dollars on a weave, when they can barely pay their rent or feed their children (well, Rev. Sharpton says that, you don't actually see it). We see black women and black girls (and toddlers) getting chemicals that melt Coke cans into their hair... No, I'm not saying they get Coke cans stuck into their hair and so the only way to get rid of them are the above-mentioned chemicals. I'm saying the shit they put in their hair can also melt Coke cans.
Anyway... Hair, all of a sudden, becomes something more.
Being intimate might mean sex, and grabbing breasts, but whatever you do: do NOT touch the hair! And when a guy in a barber shop says he might prefer white women, because he can touch their hair, it's fun to see how everyone goes nuts.
Hair as a divider, hair as a social comment. Kudos to Chris Rock for thinking about it. Or, I should say: for realizing it.
However, the film gets a bit bogged down with the hair competition. It feels a bit off topic and, quite honestly, a bit boring and it feels like a filler more than anything else.
The trip to India is interesting and kinda disgusting: hair being 'sacrificed' to the Gods and then being sold at an obscene profit by the temple... However, traveling from the States to India, doesn't really mean "all over the world," Chris.
So: interesting concept, some funny moments, but the hair competition ruins it.
But still: Hair competition? Am I the only one who didn't know this existed? And am I the only one to find this really REALLY silly?? I hope not. It looks like Chris sometimes want to say: "Get a life, people!"
Did You Hear About The Morgans?
I can imagine the pitch of this film like something form the beginning of 'The Player':
"'Witness' meets 'City Slickers.' It's funny, but it's also touching. It's funny and touching, and there's some action. It's for the whole family, it's a romantic comedy with a twist."
The twist is that there is no twist: it's predictable, not funny and downright boring.
Come on: New York snobs in Wyoming? Really? People actually still find this kinda thing funny? A film to show that the simple folks have a heart of gold and, in the end, the city folks end up realizing that the simple folks are good folks. Oh, and there are stars in the sky there!
Thing are simpler, easier. And of course when they finally realize that, they have to leave. Oh, no!
Barf.
Fuck me with a chainswaw.
The best part is that they keep watching 'Dirty Harry.' I just wished we saw more of that, because that's a great film.
And am I the only one who's getting a bit bored with Hugh Grant? He always plays the same character. I'd like to see him as a serial killer once, or a rapist. Or a guy who picks up cheap hookers. Oh, wait...
Oh, and to add a level of "aww-ness" there's an adoption subplot. Awww... and there are scenes with her looking longily at pictures of kids. Awww. And a scene with her acting like a great mom with a kid. Awwww.
Okay, answer this fast - don't think:
They hate eaach other in the beginning. How do you think it ends? With both of 'em dead in the trunk of a car?
That would be awesome, but alas: no. It ends with them together, but not with a baby. TWO babies! Woah, I guess there is a twist after all.
In concluding... Wouldn't it be grammatically better to say "Have You Heard About the Morgans?" No, it's not some comment about the film, it's an honest to goodness grammatical question.
"'Witness' meets 'City Slickers.' It's funny, but it's also touching. It's funny and touching, and there's some action. It's for the whole family, it's a romantic comedy with a twist."
The twist is that there is no twist: it's predictable, not funny and downright boring.
Come on: New York snobs in Wyoming? Really? People actually still find this kinda thing funny? A film to show that the simple folks have a heart of gold and, in the end, the city folks end up realizing that the simple folks are good folks. Oh, and there are stars in the sky there!
Thing are simpler, easier. And of course when they finally realize that, they have to leave. Oh, no!
Barf.
Fuck me with a chainswaw.
The best part is that they keep watching 'Dirty Harry.' I just wished we saw more of that, because that's a great film.
And am I the only one who's getting a bit bored with Hugh Grant? He always plays the same character. I'd like to see him as a serial killer once, or a rapist. Or a guy who picks up cheap hookers. Oh, wait...
Oh, and to add a level of "aww-ness" there's an adoption subplot. Awww... and there are scenes with her looking longily at pictures of kids. Awww. And a scene with her acting like a great mom with a kid. Awwww.
Okay, answer this fast - don't think:
They hate eaach other in the beginning. How do you think it ends? With both of 'em dead in the trunk of a car?
That would be awesome, but alas: no. It ends with them together, but not with a baby. TWO babies! Woah, I guess there is a twist after all.
In concluding... Wouldn't it be grammatically better to say "Have You Heard About the Morgans?" No, it's not some comment about the film, it's an honest to goodness grammatical question.
Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins' Ball
Once upon a time, there was an entertaining movie called "Smokin' Aces." Lots of bullets, some humor (Bateman as a furry), and the one thing I sometimes dream of when I am bored: Affleck getting shot dead. And there were lots of famous actors. Who know how to act.
Then there's this.
I can imagine the producers and director saying they had to go further than the first one, so there's sex and lots of blood. But the dialogue is horrendous (they try to make it funny once in a while and that's painful), the action is actually boring and predictable and the film is just shit. It's always nice to see Vinnie Jones play a bad ass, sure, but you know that when the best actor is Tom Beranger, you got a problem.
I never thought I'd get bored watching people getting shot to hell, maybe I'm getting old. Or maybe this film is just so bad that even bullets flying every which way fails to make it interesting.
Oh, but wait: they try to add a layer to the story by being political... But adding a dollop of cream to a shit cake, still makes it a shit cake.
And then, they try to pull a Keyser Soze on us. 'Try' being the key word.
All I'll remember from this film is that Martha Higerada's body makes me want to weep. So, once she disrobes at the beginning, you can stop watching. I know I should have.
Then there's this.
I can imagine the producers and director saying they had to go further than the first one, so there's sex and lots of blood. But the dialogue is horrendous (they try to make it funny once in a while and that's painful), the action is actually boring and predictable and the film is just shit. It's always nice to see Vinnie Jones play a bad ass, sure, but you know that when the best actor is Tom Beranger, you got a problem.
I never thought I'd get bored watching people getting shot to hell, maybe I'm getting old. Or maybe this film is just so bad that even bullets flying every which way fails to make it interesting.
Oh, but wait: they try to add a layer to the story by being political... But adding a dollop of cream to a shit cake, still makes it a shit cake.
And then, they try to pull a Keyser Soze on us. 'Try' being the key word.
All I'll remember from this film is that Martha Higerada's body makes me want to weep. So, once she disrobes at the beginning, you can stop watching. I know I should have.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Cold Souls
IMDb Link
This is what happens when your film is simply based on a concept (apparently inspired by a Woody Allen dream), when you wish you were the love child of Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry, and when your name makes people wonder if you're related to Roland Barthes. Oh, yeah, I'm sure everyone in the US asked themselves just that.
I am not saying I didn't like it. I'm just saying I don't know what the point of it was, except for the original concept of soul trading. It's a concept, which was not developed to its full potential and I realize I sound like a conceited cock to even say that, but there you have it.
There was some humor, but not much. There was some drama, but not much. There was some romance, but not much.
In the end, there just was a whole bunch of not much.
This being said Paul Giamatti, yet again, proves he is incredible. I mean, come on:
He pretends to be acting on stage, showing us he's pretending to be acting, then he acts like himself; but it's not really him, because he's acting. So he acts like he's acting and he acts like he's himself.
Fuck, that's the kind of performance the Academy should be rewarding, instead of the obvious dying-sexually confused-drunk-mentally challenged cripple.
In concluding, here's what I got from this film:
1. You have to like who you are, no matter what. Because you are what you are and even if you wish you were someone else, there's somebody out there who wishes they were you.
2. Russian women have amazing asses. (Oh, boo hoo: shame on me, yeah, whatever: get over it! Anyway, the one I'm talking about is Canadian and not even Russian. So there.)
PS: The title would be great for a cutting-edge cooking show, no?
This is what happens when your film is simply based on a concept (apparently inspired by a Woody Allen dream), when you wish you were the love child of Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry, and when your name makes people wonder if you're related to Roland Barthes. Oh, yeah, I'm sure everyone in the US asked themselves just that.
I am not saying I didn't like it. I'm just saying I don't know what the point of it was, except for the original concept of soul trading. It's a concept, which was not developed to its full potential and I realize I sound like a conceited cock to even say that, but there you have it.
There was some humor, but not much. There was some drama, but not much. There was some romance, but not much.
In the end, there just was a whole bunch of not much.
This being said Paul Giamatti, yet again, proves he is incredible. I mean, come on:
He pretends to be acting on stage, showing us he's pretending to be acting, then he acts like himself; but it's not really him, because he's acting. So he acts like he's acting and he acts like he's himself.
Fuck, that's the kind of performance the Academy should be rewarding, instead of the obvious dying-sexually confused-drunk-mentally challenged cripple.
In concluding, here's what I got from this film:
1. You have to like who you are, no matter what. Because you are what you are and even if you wish you were someone else, there's somebody out there who wishes they were you.
2. Russian women have amazing asses. (Oh, boo hoo: shame on me, yeah, whatever: get over it! Anyway, the one I'm talking about is Canadian and not even Russian. So there.)
PS: The title would be great for a cutting-edge cooking show, no?
Il Divo
IMDb Link
Wow.
Starts off like the climax of 'The Godfather' (and the story of 'The Godfather 3' was inspired by the real events -and characters- in this film), then you're introduced to all the government officials, shown as corrupted mobsters. To the point where there's even an homage to Scorsese's 'Goodfellas.' Then Andreotti is shown as Al Capone at the beginning of 'The Untouchables.' It's both funny and disturbing.
So: Al Capone, but also a king holding court, and Jesus Christ at the last supper, but in the end he's someone who is void of emotions, a loner. Although the film leans toward his guilt and the corruption in the government, it's really the story of a powerful man who is dead on the inside. I mean, even the T-1000 showed more emotions.
So, the story is interesting and the directing is top notch. The acting is incredible, the title role is beautifully acted and the Mafia boss of bosses is creepy as hell. It can get a bit confusing at times, with all the names of politicians and Mafia guys, and some characters are not really developed as they should be. The rhythm is a bit off, too: It starts with a bang. But too big of a bang, probably, because after that you keep expecting more. But it doesn't matter... Well, no, okay: it does. But it's still worth watching.
Andreotti is the main guy and everything revolves around him. For better or worse.
And, guilty or not, at least he didn't like Silvio, so he can't be all bad.
So, bottom line is: it's a bit confusing, it could have been something absolutely amazing. As it is now, it's nice, it okay, it's worth watching.
Wow.
Starts off like the climax of 'The Godfather' (and the story of 'The Godfather 3' was inspired by the real events -and characters- in this film), then you're introduced to all the government officials, shown as corrupted mobsters. To the point where there's even an homage to Scorsese's 'Goodfellas.' Then Andreotti is shown as Al Capone at the beginning of 'The Untouchables.' It's both funny and disturbing.
So: Al Capone, but also a king holding court, and Jesus Christ at the last supper, but in the end he's someone who is void of emotions, a loner. Although the film leans toward his guilt and the corruption in the government, it's really the story of a powerful man who is dead on the inside. I mean, even the T-1000 showed more emotions.
So, the story is interesting and the directing is top notch. The acting is incredible, the title role is beautifully acted and the Mafia boss of bosses is creepy as hell. It can get a bit confusing at times, with all the names of politicians and Mafia guys, and some characters are not really developed as they should be. The rhythm is a bit off, too: It starts with a bang. But too big of a bang, probably, because after that you keep expecting more. But it doesn't matter... Well, no, okay: it does. But it's still worth watching.
Andreotti is the main guy and everything revolves around him. For better or worse.
And, guilty or not, at least he didn't like Silvio, so he can't be all bad.
So, bottom line is: it's a bit confusing, it could have been something absolutely amazing. As it is now, it's nice, it okay, it's worth watching.
Couples Retreat
IMDb Link
Once upon a time, there were two guys who could write and act and who made a very funny film about dudes in LA. The film is 'Swingers' (I kinda sound like Hyman Roth talking about Mo Greene).
Now, however many years later, the dudes are stars, they're overweight, and they're not quite as funny anymore.
The premise is thin: they had to put 4 couples on a beautiful island. The story is weaker than a French ice-skater: the couples have problems, they fight, will they make it?
Yes.
Are there funny moments? Yes, one or two. When Vince Vaughn becomes Vince Vaughn, it's funny. His 'monologue' about Richard Simmons is the highlight of the film. Oh, and the yoga instructor, saying "regard me."
But you know what? I don't blame the guys. They got famous, so people are ready to pay them for whatever they can write and so, respect to them, they set the story on a tropical island and their better-halves are all hot women. They'd be stupid to turn this job down, really.
So, good for them. Bad for us. Cliché after cliché, unfunny moment after unfunny moment, vaguely crass joke here, vaguely slapstick moment there, throw in an ad for a famous video game and there you have it: your typical American 'comedy.'
At least you see beautiful women in bikinis. But you know what? That's what the internet is for and it's cheaper than a movie ticket.
Once upon a time, there were two guys who could write and act and who made a very funny film about dudes in LA. The film is 'Swingers' (I kinda sound like Hyman Roth talking about Mo Greene).
Now, however many years later, the dudes are stars, they're overweight, and they're not quite as funny anymore.
The premise is thin: they had to put 4 couples on a beautiful island. The story is weaker than a French ice-skater: the couples have problems, they fight, will they make it?
Yes.
Are there funny moments? Yes, one or two. When Vince Vaughn becomes Vince Vaughn, it's funny. His 'monologue' about Richard Simmons is the highlight of the film. Oh, and the yoga instructor, saying "regard me."
But you know what? I don't blame the guys. They got famous, so people are ready to pay them for whatever they can write and so, respect to them, they set the story on a tropical island and their better-halves are all hot women. They'd be stupid to turn this job down, really.
So, good for them. Bad for us. Cliché after cliché, unfunny moment after unfunny moment, vaguely crass joke here, vaguely slapstick moment there, throw in an ad for a famous video game and there you have it: your typical American 'comedy.'
At least you see beautiful women in bikinis. But you know what? That's what the internet is for and it's cheaper than a movie ticket.
Avatar
Might as well get this one out of the way...
If you're like 98% of the world, you've seen this film and you were conned into believing it was good.
It's not.
Okay: visually, it's stunning. But that's it. That's how people got conned. They see something beautiful and then they're too busy admiring the scenery and they forget to pay attention to the story.
The story, by the way, is: humans are bad and they destroy everything.
Wow. How edgy and unusual. The problem with this green message is that the people who actually got it think: "fucking ecologist propaganda! I know we're bad, I don't need to be told by James Cameron." The others didn't get the message because, it's like, you know: another planet and all. With giant smurfs. And crazy robots and bad military people and greedy capitalists. So, not like Earth at all.
Oh, and there's a wheelchair-bound guy, which is the only way the director got to make us like him. "Oh, no. Poor guy. He's in a wheelchair." Let's not dwell on the fact that he is a soldier. But he's a good soldier. Because he's in a wheelchair.
Gag me with a spoon.
Hey, pop quiz. Answer the following questions:
1. The girl hates the guy at first. Do you think they'll fall in love?
2. A guy in the tribe REALLY hates the protagonist in the beginning. Do you think they'll end up respecting each other?
3. Do the capitalists and the soldiers win in the end?
4. When the protagonist is told that very few people throughout history were able to ride some kind of giant mean bird, do you think he will end up riding the giant mean bird?
If you're not sure what the answer to any of these questions is, then this film is for you. I bet you loved Titanic, too.
If you're like 98% of the world, you've seen this film and you were conned into believing it was good.
It's not.
Okay: visually, it's stunning. But that's it. That's how people got conned. They see something beautiful and then they're too busy admiring the scenery and they forget to pay attention to the story.
The story, by the way, is: humans are bad and they destroy everything.
Wow. How edgy and unusual. The problem with this green message is that the people who actually got it think: "fucking ecologist propaganda! I know we're bad, I don't need to be told by James Cameron." The others didn't get the message because, it's like, you know: another planet and all. With giant smurfs. And crazy robots and bad military people and greedy capitalists. So, not like Earth at all.
Oh, and there's a wheelchair-bound guy, which is the only way the director got to make us like him. "Oh, no. Poor guy. He's in a wheelchair." Let's not dwell on the fact that he is a soldier. But he's a good soldier. Because he's in a wheelchair.
Gag me with a spoon.
Hey, pop quiz. Answer the following questions:
1. The girl hates the guy at first. Do you think they'll fall in love?
2. A guy in the tribe REALLY hates the protagonist in the beginning. Do you think they'll end up respecting each other?
3. Do the capitalists and the soldiers win in the end?
4. When the protagonist is told that very few people throughout history were able to ride some kind of giant mean bird, do you think he will end up riding the giant mean bird?
If you're not sure what the answer to any of these questions is, then this film is for you. I bet you loved Titanic, too.
Iznogoud
Il y a des films marrants. Pour moi, ça peut être 'L'Aventure c'est L'Aventure,' 'Les Bronzés Font du Ski,' 'La Cité de la Peur' ou 'OSS 117' (avec Jean Dujardin).
Puis il y a des films sérieux, pas marrants, pas glop du tout. Genre 'Dancer in the Dark,' 'La Bataille D'Algers' ou... ou... ou n'importe quoi d'autre qui ne fait pas rire.
Puis il y a ce genre de 'films.' Sensés être marrants.
Pour décrire ce genre de films, il faut régresser, et vous m'en voyez bien désolé (non, pas vraiment):
C'est de la merde qui colle aux dents.
Imaginons 'The Office,' version UK, où les situations sont incomfortables et où on a honte pour le personnage de Ricky Gervais. Bon...
Au moins c'est fait exprès.
Dans ce film, tout est intenable, et c'est même pas fait exprès. Ils essayent de faire rire. C'est comme si David Brent avait écrit un film rien que pour lui-même.
En fait, c'est bien dommage, car la BD de Tabary (mâtin, quelle BD!) est très bien. Vraiment. Je sais qu'après avoir vu ce film ça ne donne pas envie de la lire. Mais ça revient au même que de dire que tous les gens qui sont morts sur le Titanic le meritait, à cause du film du même nom ('Titanic,' pas 'Le Meritait').
Que Michaël Youn fasse des films est déjà surprenant, mais que Jacques Villeret joue dans ce film, c'est tout bonnement triste.
Don't get me wrong, comme 'ils' disent. J'aime beaucoup Mr Villeret. Il est toujours bien, même quand ses films ne le sont pas. Mais là, même lui à l'air de se dire: "Qu'est-ce que je fous là?"
Et c'est pour ça que c'est triste...
Parce que maintenant, pour se faire pardonner 'Iznogoud,' ça va être difficle pour Jacques.
En fin de compte, si ce genre de connerie est filmée, c'est à cause des retardés mentaux que l'on peut trouver sur les plateaux télé, à taper des mains dès qu'une musique est jouée.
C'est le même genre de crétins qui trouvent que Eric et Ramzy sont drôles.
C'est le même genre de tarés qui trouvent que 'Les Bronzé 3' est un chef d'oeuvre.
C'est le même genre d'idiots qui n'ont jamais lu Gotlib.
C'est le même genre d'imbéciles qui vont voir Bigard en spectacle.
C'est le même genre de cons qui votent Sarkozy.
Ah merde, ça devient politique, là...
Bref, même si c'est facile, bien trop facile, voici ma conclusion: 'Iznogoud' is no good.
Et vlan.
Puis il y a des films sérieux, pas marrants, pas glop du tout. Genre 'Dancer in the Dark,' 'La Bataille D'Algers' ou... ou... ou n'importe quoi d'autre qui ne fait pas rire.
Puis il y a ce genre de 'films.' Sensés être marrants.
Pour décrire ce genre de films, il faut régresser, et vous m'en voyez bien désolé (non, pas vraiment):
C'est de la merde qui colle aux dents.
Imaginons 'The Office,' version UK, où les situations sont incomfortables et où on a honte pour le personnage de Ricky Gervais. Bon...
Au moins c'est fait exprès.
Dans ce film, tout est intenable, et c'est même pas fait exprès. Ils essayent de faire rire. C'est comme si David Brent avait écrit un film rien que pour lui-même.
En fait, c'est bien dommage, car la BD de Tabary (mâtin, quelle BD!) est très bien. Vraiment. Je sais qu'après avoir vu ce film ça ne donne pas envie de la lire. Mais ça revient au même que de dire que tous les gens qui sont morts sur le Titanic le meritait, à cause du film du même nom ('Titanic,' pas 'Le Meritait').
Que Michaël Youn fasse des films est déjà surprenant, mais que Jacques Villeret joue dans ce film, c'est tout bonnement triste.
Don't get me wrong, comme 'ils' disent. J'aime beaucoup Mr Villeret. Il est toujours bien, même quand ses films ne le sont pas. Mais là, même lui à l'air de se dire: "Qu'est-ce que je fous là?"
Et c'est pour ça que c'est triste...
Parce que maintenant, pour se faire pardonner 'Iznogoud,' ça va être difficle pour Jacques.
En fin de compte, si ce genre de connerie est filmée, c'est à cause des retardés mentaux que l'on peut trouver sur les plateaux télé, à taper des mains dès qu'une musique est jouée.
C'est le même genre de crétins qui trouvent que Eric et Ramzy sont drôles.
C'est le même genre de tarés qui trouvent que 'Les Bronzé 3' est un chef d'oeuvre.
C'est le même genre d'idiots qui n'ont jamais lu Gotlib.
C'est le même genre d'imbéciles qui vont voir Bigard en spectacle.
C'est le même genre de cons qui votent Sarkozy.
Ah merde, ça devient politique, là...
Bref, même si c'est facile, bien trop facile, voici ma conclusion: 'Iznogoud' is no good.
Et vlan.
Spalovac Mrtvol
IMDb Link
Those who know me (and let's face it, if you're reading this, you probably kinda know me) know I have a dark sense of humor.
And there is someone, someone who lives in Prague, who got this film for me. I don't know if I should be flattered or freaked out by how much she knows me, but either way it's great that she does!
Because: yes: this is my kind of film.
This film is about death. Every frame, every scene, reminds you of death. Dead people being cremated, the German army at the border, reincarnation, boxing, blood, dead carps. Death is evreywhere, as DM sang. Maybe Martin had seen this film before writing the song.
Even the happy moments, like Christmas... There are candles, which reminds Karel of his business as a "cremator." And the dead carp, which brings on a speech about reincarnation by dear old Karel...
Speaking of Karel, this film is also about delusion. And madness. And overall freakishness... Rarely have I seen a character so perverse and depressing and opportunistic and icky as him. He pets everyone, his children, his cat, his dead people. He combs them, too. Then he combs himself. And he digs Nazis.
And, as we know, Nazis dig crematoria. Yeah. It's a happy film. I'm expecting the Disney remake at any time. With Sandra Bullock as the wacky cremator.
To go back to dear old nutsy Karel, I have to admit he's one interesting character. He's only happy when he's sad... And the way he touches his children is as creepy as imagining Ratzinger at a boyscout rally.
In this film, the ones who are deemed weak or crazy are the ones who can see that the world around them is crazy and dark and full of violence. Of course, there's no room in the new world order for them...
Don't get me wrong, there's also humor. Dark humor, which would make the "Man Bites Dog" gang blush... The line "No, that wouldn't do..." is incredibly, funnily, dark. Watch the film to know what I'm talking about.
It would be a shame to not mention the directing and editing, which keeps putting you off balance, making you feel like you're also going crazy. You gotta love that.
And of course, I don't mean to over-analyze anything here, but this film is about Nazis and madness and people blindly loving a cause. And the parallel between animals and humans. And this film is from 1968. Kind of an important date in Czech history. Things that make you go 'hmmm...'
So, yes: if you're half crazy, if you enjoy dark tales of madness, murder and death, this film is for you.
And if you don't enjoy this kind of films, well... fuck you.
Those who know me (and let's face it, if you're reading this, you probably kinda know me) know I have a dark sense of humor.
And there is someone, someone who lives in Prague, who got this film for me. I don't know if I should be flattered or freaked out by how much she knows me, but either way it's great that she does!
Because: yes: this is my kind of film.
This film is about death. Every frame, every scene, reminds you of death. Dead people being cremated, the German army at the border, reincarnation, boxing, blood, dead carps. Death is evreywhere, as DM sang. Maybe Martin had seen this film before writing the song.
Even the happy moments, like Christmas... There are candles, which reminds Karel of his business as a "cremator." And the dead carp, which brings on a speech about reincarnation by dear old Karel...
Speaking of Karel, this film is also about delusion. And madness. And overall freakishness... Rarely have I seen a character so perverse and depressing and opportunistic and icky as him. He pets everyone, his children, his cat, his dead people. He combs them, too. Then he combs himself. And he digs Nazis.
And, as we know, Nazis dig crematoria. Yeah. It's a happy film. I'm expecting the Disney remake at any time. With Sandra Bullock as the wacky cremator.
To go back to dear old nutsy Karel, I have to admit he's one interesting character. He's only happy when he's sad... And the way he touches his children is as creepy as imagining Ratzinger at a boyscout rally.
In this film, the ones who are deemed weak or crazy are the ones who can see that the world around them is crazy and dark and full of violence. Of course, there's no room in the new world order for them...
Don't get me wrong, there's also humor. Dark humor, which would make the "Man Bites Dog" gang blush... The line "No, that wouldn't do..." is incredibly, funnily, dark. Watch the film to know what I'm talking about.
It would be a shame to not mention the directing and editing, which keeps putting you off balance, making you feel like you're also going crazy. You gotta love that.
And of course, I don't mean to over-analyze anything here, but this film is about Nazis and madness and people blindly loving a cause. And the parallel between animals and humans. And this film is from 1968. Kind of an important date in Czech history. Things that make you go 'hmmm...'
So, yes: if you're half crazy, if you enjoy dark tales of madness, murder and death, this film is for you.
And if you don't enjoy this kind of films, well... fuck you.
The Road
IMDB Link
Me thinks Cormac needs a great big hug. That's one depressed fella. But Hillcoat might be even more depressed. But at least you know the music's happy, 'cause it was written by Cave & Ellis.
In a word: humans suck, we're all doomed, we'll become animals and dying is way WAY better than living. How can you not like that? And to top it all, we never know what exactly happened: the world ended. And that's all we know.
Furthermore, what's not to like in a film that has a scene where a father explains to his son how he should blow his brains out?
But...
But, like Hillcoat's other films, the idea/theme is good, the acting is great (Duvall is amazing), the images are hauntingly beautiful, the music is perfect (well, of course I'd say that), but they tend to drag on a bit... After a while, we get the idea, we get the point. Most scenes could be cut in half. Like his other films, I couldn't help
thinking that something was a bit off, or that something was missing. And if that thing (whatever it might be) had been there, the film would have been a masterpiece.
If you're having a bit of an off day, or if you want to watch bright colors and shiny happy people, you might want to give this film a pass.
But if monochromatism, cannibalism and loneliness is your cup of tea, well then: you've found the film for you.
Oh, and aren't you proud of me? Not once have I mentionned how absolutely stunning Charlize Theron looks. Not once have I said that I turn into a Tex Avery wolf whenever I see her.
Me thinks Cormac needs a great big hug. That's one depressed fella. But Hillcoat might be even more depressed. But at least you know the music's happy, 'cause it was written by Cave & Ellis.
In a word: humans suck, we're all doomed, we'll become animals and dying is way WAY better than living. How can you not like that? And to top it all, we never know what exactly happened: the world ended. And that's all we know.
Furthermore, what's not to like in a film that has a scene where a father explains to his son how he should blow his brains out?
But...
But, like Hillcoat's other films, the idea/theme is good, the acting is great (Duvall is amazing), the images are hauntingly beautiful, the music is perfect (well, of course I'd say that), but they tend to drag on a bit... After a while, we get the idea, we get the point. Most scenes could be cut in half. Like his other films, I couldn't help
thinking that something was a bit off, or that something was missing. And if that thing (whatever it might be) had been there, the film would have been a masterpiece.
If you're having a bit of an off day, or if you want to watch bright colors and shiny happy people, you might want to give this film a pass.
But if monochromatism, cannibalism and loneliness is your cup of tea, well then: you've found the film for you.
Oh, and aren't you proud of me? Not once have I mentionned how absolutely stunning Charlize Theron looks. Not once have I said that I turn into a Tex Avery wolf whenever I see her.
Starci Na Chmelu
IMDB Link
It starts with 3 dudes in black, playing groovy tunes and telling us a groovy story...
You just know it's a movie, because I've never seen so many Czechs smile so much. Then again, they're doing it for the beer!
But fear not, the smiles soon fade.
What starts out as a funky happy musical becomes a nice metaphor.
Ah, 1964...
Adolf and his cronies were long gone, the tanks were still to come, Karel Gott was not yet a mummy dating 12 year olds.
Times were good.
Or were they?
The bad guy represents communism. He's a bully, overbearing and treacherous, seemingly good and benevolent. In charge of 'security.' Someone who uses anonymous letters to rat on people. And in the end, he's a bitter man, lonely and wanting to live free, but too afraid to do it.
In contrat and obviously, then: The good guy is, well... not communism: a free thinker, an idealist, a man in love. An individualist, who reads Massaryk and Seneca. A poet, a writer. Someone who does not want to share his sleeping place with the 'people.'
The love story that might be, can be, should be, becomes a metaphor for people living free from the yoke of communism. And 'expulsion, shame and content' are so many words that in those days could mean imprisonment, torture and death.
In the end, all ends well (spoiler alert, dudes!): the people say no to communism, literally turning their backs to it.
And as the bus travels through what looks like a no man's land straight out of Berlin circa, well, 1964, the music swells up and off to the West they go.
Then again, maybe I'm reading too much into this, blame the heat and the wine.
Maybe it's only about hop-pickers who want to fuck.
It starts with 3 dudes in black, playing groovy tunes and telling us a groovy story...
You just know it's a movie, because I've never seen so many Czechs smile so much. Then again, they're doing it for the beer!
But fear not, the smiles soon fade.
What starts out as a funky happy musical becomes a nice metaphor.
Ah, 1964...
Adolf and his cronies were long gone, the tanks were still to come, Karel Gott was not yet a mummy dating 12 year olds.
Times were good.
Or were they?
The bad guy represents communism. He's a bully, overbearing and treacherous, seemingly good and benevolent. In charge of 'security.' Someone who uses anonymous letters to rat on people. And in the end, he's a bitter man, lonely and wanting to live free, but too afraid to do it.
In contrat and obviously, then: The good guy is, well... not communism: a free thinker, an idealist, a man in love. An individualist, who reads Massaryk and Seneca. A poet, a writer. Someone who does not want to share his sleeping place with the 'people.'
The love story that might be, can be, should be, becomes a metaphor for people living free from the yoke of communism. And 'expulsion, shame and content' are so many words that in those days could mean imprisonment, torture and death.
In the end, all ends well (spoiler alert, dudes!): the people say no to communism, literally turning their backs to it.
And as the bus travels through what looks like a no man's land straight out of Berlin circa, well, 1964, the music swells up and off to the West they go.
Then again, maybe I'm reading too much into this, blame the heat and the wine.
Maybe it's only about hop-pickers who want to fuck.
Die Welle
IMDb Link
The title means "The Wave." Just letting you know, since apparently me writing down original titles makes me look pretentious...
Anyway...
Yes, yes: the end is a bit predictable: you know who'll be blamed, who'll die, and who'll end up with their loved ones, but at the end of the day, with the resurrgence of neo-fuckheads, this film is an important one.
Of course, and obviously, said fuckheads won't be watching this film 'coz they'll be too busy masturbating in -or to- their rifles (that's a Bill Maher paraphrase), but still...
It's about how people can be so easily influenced. You throw in a uniform and a bit of 'Gemeinschaft,' some authority figure and a dash of goose-stepping and wham bam thank you ma'am: you got yourself a fascist state.
This film kept reminding me of a postcard I have at home that says "never under-estimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."
You put in jocks, bullies, outcasts and misfits, you stir the shit and they will turn into a ruthless brainless gang (hmm... me thinks that was a pleonasm).
The teacher is Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pol Pot, it doesn't matter (even though the salute and the word 'Fuehrer' make us think of a certain mustachioed one-balled someone. Not to mention the language).
People are dumb, people are lost, if you give 'em a leader and a non-cause, and they'll be ready to vandalise, bully and kill for you.
'You're either for us or against us,' and the crowd goes wild. This isn't so much the Braunau over-achiever's words, these have a bit more of a Crawford twinge to 'em (and the teacher got a simple but great sticker on his mailbox. But stickers are mere propaganda, as this film also shows us. Wow. Wine makes me deep).
It all comes down to this: humans are fucking predictable and loathsome.
Ah but, ah but...
How about this?...
Instead of blaming people as a whole, instead of focusing on their stupidity, how about we blame everything on one guy? Then, when this guy is gone (be it by a bullet in the head/incineration, a stroke, or hung upside down in a gas station), we can move on.
"I was only following orders." "I just wanted to belong."
Sounds familiar?
So, this film is great because it:
a - shows how stupid people are and:
b - how stupider people are, because it's always easier to blame everything on one guy. Let's demonize ONE guy and forget about it all.
Sure.
"I really didn't want to gas all those people, but my immediate superior told me to."
"When I got to Babi Yar, I thought it was gonna be a big keg party. It wasn't, but since I was already there, I thought: 'What the hell, might as well join in...'"
"I figured I was already in Siberia, so why not kill a few people smarter than I am?"
Yeah. Sure.
And then you have to ask why I'm a misanthrope.
The title means "The Wave." Just letting you know, since apparently me writing down original titles makes me look pretentious...
Anyway...
Yes, yes: the end is a bit predictable: you know who'll be blamed, who'll die, and who'll end up with their loved ones, but at the end of the day, with the resurrgence of neo-fuckheads, this film is an important one.
Of course, and obviously, said fuckheads won't be watching this film 'coz they'll be too busy masturbating in -or to- their rifles (that's a Bill Maher paraphrase), but still...
It's about how people can be so easily influenced. You throw in a uniform and a bit of 'Gemeinschaft,' some authority figure and a dash of goose-stepping and wham bam thank you ma'am: you got yourself a fascist state.
This film kept reminding me of a postcard I have at home that says "never under-estimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."
You put in jocks, bullies, outcasts and misfits, you stir the shit and they will turn into a ruthless brainless gang (hmm... me thinks that was a pleonasm).
The teacher is Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pol Pot, it doesn't matter (even though the salute and the word 'Fuehrer' make us think of a certain mustachioed one-balled someone. Not to mention the language).
People are dumb, people are lost, if you give 'em a leader and a non-cause, and they'll be ready to vandalise, bully and kill for you.
'You're either for us or against us,' and the crowd goes wild. This isn't so much the Braunau over-achiever's words, these have a bit more of a Crawford twinge to 'em (and the teacher got a simple but great sticker on his mailbox. But stickers are mere propaganda, as this film also shows us. Wow. Wine makes me deep).
It all comes down to this: humans are fucking predictable and loathsome.
Ah but, ah but...
How about this?...
Instead of blaming people as a whole, instead of focusing on their stupidity, how about we blame everything on one guy? Then, when this guy is gone (be it by a bullet in the head/incineration, a stroke, or hung upside down in a gas station), we can move on.
"I was only following orders." "I just wanted to belong."
Sounds familiar?
So, this film is great because it:
a - shows how stupid people are and:
b - how stupider people are, because it's always easier to blame everything on one guy. Let's demonize ONE guy and forget about it all.
Sure.
"I really didn't want to gas all those people, but my immediate superior told me to."
"When I got to Babi Yar, I thought it was gonna be a big keg party. It wasn't, but since I was already there, I thought: 'What the hell, might as well join in...'"
"I figured I was already in Siberia, so why not kill a few people smarter than I am?"
Yeah. Sure.
And then you have to ask why I'm a misanthrope.
The Wolfman (2010)
IMDb Link
I know what they tried to do, I think. They were going for the whole Gothic look, homage to Lon Chaney and what-have-you.
But it doesn't work.
I have to admit that I am rather biased, I've never been a fan of werewolves, I just find them silly. Whereas vampires can be scary, sexy, cool and zombies are spooky and fun, werewolves are just big balls of fur that howl at the moon. And cut off heads.
Except for the TV show 'Being Human,' where, with plenty of humor, they actually show the troubles of being afflicted with lycantropy.
So, this film is just boring as hell. Benicio's accent wavers off and on (but that's because he spent some time in America. So he's an American werewolf in London) and I thought of a fun drinking game: do a shot whenever Anthony Hopkins says "uh..."
Obviously, and as usual for this sexist 'reviewer,' the only worthwhile subject (or object? Haha, nevermind. Private joke) is Emily Blunt. I'd have been more than happy to look at her face for two hours. That would have been time better spent, but instead I suffered through 120 minutes of campy bad shit, which is surprising
considering the director ('Jumanji' was kinda fun) and writers (A.K. Walker's only good screenplay was 'Seven' anyway).
I can imagine that acting in Soderbergh films doesn't pay very well (or at all), but was Benicio so strapped for cash that he had to be in this film? And in a Magnum ice-cream ad (seriously, what's up with that?!)?
So, it's disappointing and boring. It sometimes looks good, especially when Ms Blunt is on screen.
Give this film a miss, it's not even spooky and it's often downright silly. When the werewolf stopped running on the roofs, I silently begged "Please don't howl at the moon, please don't howl at the moon."
He howled at the moon.
And the fight between the two werewolves? Oh, puh-lease! And those horrible horrible lines, which are more lethal that the silver bullet I wanted to shoot myself with, such as: "you should kill yourself." "I will kill you all!"
I was only hoping that the policeman would at least say, once, just for fun: "Mmmmmmister Andersonnnnn."
You want to see a great film that deals with 'werewolves?' Watch Von Triers' 'Europa.'
Haha (you'll get the joke if you're a WWII buff).
I know what they tried to do, I think. They were going for the whole Gothic look, homage to Lon Chaney and what-have-you.
But it doesn't work.
I have to admit that I am rather biased, I've never been a fan of werewolves, I just find them silly. Whereas vampires can be scary, sexy, cool and zombies are spooky and fun, werewolves are just big balls of fur that howl at the moon. And cut off heads.
Except for the TV show 'Being Human,' where, with plenty of humor, they actually show the troubles of being afflicted with lycantropy.
So, this film is just boring as hell. Benicio's accent wavers off and on (but that's because he spent some time in America. So he's an American werewolf in London) and I thought of a fun drinking game: do a shot whenever Anthony Hopkins says "uh..."
Obviously, and as usual for this sexist 'reviewer,' the only worthwhile subject (or object? Haha, nevermind. Private joke) is Emily Blunt. I'd have been more than happy to look at her face for two hours. That would have been time better spent, but instead I suffered through 120 minutes of campy bad shit, which is surprising
considering the director ('Jumanji' was kinda fun) and writers (A.K. Walker's only good screenplay was 'Seven' anyway).
I can imagine that acting in Soderbergh films doesn't pay very well (or at all), but was Benicio so strapped for cash that he had to be in this film? And in a Magnum ice-cream ad (seriously, what's up with that?!)?
So, it's disappointing and boring. It sometimes looks good, especially when Ms Blunt is on screen.
Give this film a miss, it's not even spooky and it's often downright silly. When the werewolf stopped running on the roofs, I silently begged "Please don't howl at the moon, please don't howl at the moon."
He howled at the moon.
And the fight between the two werewolves? Oh, puh-lease! And those horrible horrible lines, which are more lethal that the silver bullet I wanted to shoot myself with, such as: "you should kill yourself." "I will kill you all!"
I was only hoping that the policeman would at least say, once, just for fun: "Mmmmmmister Andersonnnnn."
You want to see a great film that deals with 'werewolves?' Watch Von Triers' 'Europa.'
Haha (you'll get the joke if you're a WWII buff).
Titanic
‘My heart will go on.’ And on and on and on for three freakin’ hours. Until I will be old and actually die. So my heart will not go on forever. Bummer.
This is a typical Mr (ex)Bigelow film, he is the master of misdirection. Let me explain myself: he dazzles us with his stunning visuals and sense of detail, and therefore, most people don’t notice that:
A – the story completely sucks.
B – he always tells the same story. Be it in the future, on another planet or on a boat.
So, the boat sinking is incredible to look at and it’s freaky and it’s impressive and it's chilling (because, hey, guess what: it actually happened!) But everything else around it is boring and pointless. Why have a love story? And a bad guy? Sure, you need conflict. But you’d think a sinking boat, a ‘ginormous’ iceberg, freezing waters and hundreds and hundreds of people dying would be enough for a conflict...
If you need to ask: no, I did not like this film. The fact that so many people did and still do, baffles me to no end. Then again, a lot of people like McDonald’s and Coca-Cola. If you convince them they need shit, they’ll gobble down that shit.
Okay, I will help Mr Bigelow, the Hollywood gigolo. I have some stories he might want to film. Since he always writes the same story, it’s pretty easy… So, for your consideration: Jimmy’s next film(s)…
“9/11: A Love Story” – John and Emma are working in the same World Trade Center building. They work for opposite firms and everything seems to divide them. Then the first plane strikes and they are caught in an office, just the two of them. Through tears, fire, and gasoline fumes, they fall in love. But John dies. Emma survives, promising herself she will never forget her true love.
“From Abu Ghraib with Love” – Sharona is in the USMC. Ali is an innocent muslim mistakenly thought to be a Taliban. While posing for some humiliating pictures with him being naked and wearing a pointy hat, Sharona realizes she has feelings for him. And yet everything seems to divide them. Through torture sessions and other heartbreaking (almost literally) moments, they fall in love. But Ali is killed while being waterboarded. Sharona quits the Marines, promising herself she will never forget her true love.
“Northridge 94: Love’s A-Shakin’!” – December 94, California. Tom is a young seismologist. He predicts that something ‘truly wicked’ will happen soon. No one believes him, except Consuela, his maid from Honduras. Everything divides them. But, through scientific research, interviews with disbelieving journalists, and political meetings with a disbelieving mayor and governor, they fall in love. Then the quake hits and Tom dies. As Consuela is being deported back to Honduras, she promises herself she will never forget her true love.
And that’s how you make a multi-gazillion-dollar film.
This is a typical Mr (ex)Bigelow film, he is the master of misdirection. Let me explain myself: he dazzles us with his stunning visuals and sense of detail, and therefore, most people don’t notice that:
A – the story completely sucks.
B – he always tells the same story. Be it in the future, on another planet or on a boat.
So, the boat sinking is incredible to look at and it’s freaky and it’s impressive and it's chilling (because, hey, guess what: it actually happened!) But everything else around it is boring and pointless. Why have a love story? And a bad guy? Sure, you need conflict. But you’d think a sinking boat, a ‘ginormous’ iceberg, freezing waters and hundreds and hundreds of people dying would be enough for a conflict...
If you need to ask: no, I did not like this film. The fact that so many people did and still do, baffles me to no end. Then again, a lot of people like McDonald’s and Coca-Cola. If you convince them they need shit, they’ll gobble down that shit.
Okay, I will help Mr Bigelow, the Hollywood gigolo. I have some stories he might want to film. Since he always writes the same story, it’s pretty easy… So, for your consideration: Jimmy’s next film(s)…
“9/11: A Love Story” – John and Emma are working in the same World Trade Center building. They work for opposite firms and everything seems to divide them. Then the first plane strikes and they are caught in an office, just the two of them. Through tears, fire, and gasoline fumes, they fall in love. But John dies. Emma survives, promising herself she will never forget her true love.
“From Abu Ghraib with Love” – Sharona is in the USMC. Ali is an innocent muslim mistakenly thought to be a Taliban. While posing for some humiliating pictures with him being naked and wearing a pointy hat, Sharona realizes she has feelings for him. And yet everything seems to divide them. Through torture sessions and other heartbreaking (almost literally) moments, they fall in love. But Ali is killed while being waterboarded. Sharona quits the Marines, promising herself she will never forget her true love.
“Northridge 94: Love’s A-Shakin’!” – December 94, California. Tom is a young seismologist. He predicts that something ‘truly wicked’ will happen soon. No one believes him, except Consuela, his maid from Honduras. Everything divides them. But, through scientific research, interviews with disbelieving journalists, and political meetings with a disbelieving mayor and governor, they fall in love. Then the quake hits and Tom dies. As Consuela is being deported back to Honduras, she promises herself she will never forget her true love.
And that’s how you make a multi-gazillion-dollar film.
Un Homme Et Son Chien
Lien IMDb
Et ben, j'avais un petit coup de blues, je me suis dit: 'Tiens! Je vais regarder ce film...'
Et ben merde... le blues est devenu pourpre, là. Déprimant, le film. Mais bien. Mais déprimant. Je vous préviens, on frise le mélodrame avec cet 'article.'
Un film qui parle d'un homme à la fin de sa vie, un homme seul. A part son chien. C'est une histoire d'amour entre deux mamifères, quoi. Un à 4 pattes, l'autre à 2. C'est une histoire sur le temps qui passe, sur les regrets, sur ce qui aurait pu être, sur ce qui sera. Et ce qui ne sera jamais.
Ceci dit, il y une pointe d'espoir avec la jolie demoiselle enceinte (même si des fois elle joue comme si elle était défoncée, mais bon).
L'avantage d'avoir un film réalisé par Juste Leblanc, c'est que les 'cameos' sont nombreux et impressionants:
Bien sûr il y a Belmondo, bien sûr il y a Huster, mais aussi, et par ordre: Duléry, Perrot, Dujardin, Garcia (José, pas Nicole), Mondy, Von Sydow (!), Prévost, Charles Gérard (étonnant! Enfin à nouveau avec Bebel, j'imagine que leur brouille c'est du passé! Il doit avoir 105 ans maintenant, non? Mais c'est pas grave, ça fait plaisir de le revoir), Hossein (là ça devient ridicule! Y a tout le monde dans ce film), Thibault (si, si), Presle...
Diantre... une bien belle brochette d'acteurs quand même! Dont certains qui nous rappellent la grande époque... 'Les Morfalous,' 'Le Casse,' 'L'Incorrigible...'
Bref, le film à mon avis, il parle de ça:
La vie c'est con, la vie c'est long. Mais c'est toujours trop court.
Dans la vie tout le monde vous quitte, à part votre chien. Fidèle compagnon. Parce que les humains, franchement: on est tous des cons.
D'ailleurs, et même si ce film est imprégné de mort, d'une telle façon qu'à côté 'La Montagne Magique' c'est un conte de Disney, malgré ça disais-je, le moment le plus triste et le plus émouvant, c'est au chenil, avec tous ces chiens qui ne demandent qu'un peu d'amour... Mais, comme il a été dit plus haut: on est tous des cons.
Si on a quelqu'un, que ce soit un animal ou une personne, qui vous aime, alors tout va bien, en fin de compte. Même Gabin l'a chanté: 'Le jour ou quelqu'un vous aime, il fait beau. J'peux pas mieux dire: il fait beau.'
Je vous avait prévenu que ça serait du mélo...
Allez, pour détendre, un petit mot de Desproges:
"Plus je connais les hommes, et plus j'aime mon chien. Plus je connais les femmes, et moins j'aime ma chienne."
Voilà voilà... Donc un film triste, un film émouvant (ceci dit, ça vient peut-être de mon coup de blues). Un peu trop déprimant. Ou alors, qui essaye un peu trop d'être déprimant. Mais j'ai bien aimé quand même.
Ah, nostalgie... Bebel qui se tient en haut des marches de la gare de L'Est (ou du Nord? je les confonds toujours)... Marches que j'ai prise un beau matin d'été vers les 6 heures du mat', en rentrant le coeur plein de belles choses et la tête remplie de sourires... Il y a bien longtemps de cela...
Bon, allez, ça suffit la déprime! J'ai décidé de me visionner 'Le Magnifique,' question de voir Bebel faire le pitre.
On finira avec une petite minute philosophique: 'Ne vous plaignez pas de vieillir, un tel privilège n'est pas accordé à tout le monde.'
PS: rappelez-vous bien: On est tous des cons.
Et ben, j'avais un petit coup de blues, je me suis dit: 'Tiens! Je vais regarder ce film...'
Et ben merde... le blues est devenu pourpre, là. Déprimant, le film. Mais bien. Mais déprimant. Je vous préviens, on frise le mélodrame avec cet 'article.'
Un film qui parle d'un homme à la fin de sa vie, un homme seul. A part son chien. C'est une histoire d'amour entre deux mamifères, quoi. Un à 4 pattes, l'autre à 2. C'est une histoire sur le temps qui passe, sur les regrets, sur ce qui aurait pu être, sur ce qui sera. Et ce qui ne sera jamais.
Ceci dit, il y une pointe d'espoir avec la jolie demoiselle enceinte (même si des fois elle joue comme si elle était défoncée, mais bon).
L'avantage d'avoir un film réalisé par Juste Leblanc, c'est que les 'cameos' sont nombreux et impressionants:
Bien sûr il y a Belmondo, bien sûr il y a Huster, mais aussi, et par ordre: Duléry, Perrot, Dujardin, Garcia (José, pas Nicole), Mondy, Von Sydow (!), Prévost, Charles Gérard (étonnant! Enfin à nouveau avec Bebel, j'imagine que leur brouille c'est du passé! Il doit avoir 105 ans maintenant, non? Mais c'est pas grave, ça fait plaisir de le revoir), Hossein (là ça devient ridicule! Y a tout le monde dans ce film), Thibault (si, si), Presle...
Diantre... une bien belle brochette d'acteurs quand même! Dont certains qui nous rappellent la grande époque... 'Les Morfalous,' 'Le Casse,' 'L'Incorrigible...'
Bref, le film à mon avis, il parle de ça:
La vie c'est con, la vie c'est long. Mais c'est toujours trop court.
Dans la vie tout le monde vous quitte, à part votre chien. Fidèle compagnon. Parce que les humains, franchement: on est tous des cons.
D'ailleurs, et même si ce film est imprégné de mort, d'une telle façon qu'à côté 'La Montagne Magique' c'est un conte de Disney, malgré ça disais-je, le moment le plus triste et le plus émouvant, c'est au chenil, avec tous ces chiens qui ne demandent qu'un peu d'amour... Mais, comme il a été dit plus haut: on est tous des cons.
Si on a quelqu'un, que ce soit un animal ou une personne, qui vous aime, alors tout va bien, en fin de compte. Même Gabin l'a chanté: 'Le jour ou quelqu'un vous aime, il fait beau. J'peux pas mieux dire: il fait beau.'
Je vous avait prévenu que ça serait du mélo...
Allez, pour détendre, un petit mot de Desproges:
"Plus je connais les hommes, et plus j'aime mon chien. Plus je connais les femmes, et moins j'aime ma chienne."
Voilà voilà... Donc un film triste, un film émouvant (ceci dit, ça vient peut-être de mon coup de blues). Un peu trop déprimant. Ou alors, qui essaye un peu trop d'être déprimant. Mais j'ai bien aimé quand même.
Ah, nostalgie... Bebel qui se tient en haut des marches de la gare de L'Est (ou du Nord? je les confonds toujours)... Marches que j'ai prise un beau matin d'été vers les 6 heures du mat', en rentrant le coeur plein de belles choses et la tête remplie de sourires... Il y a bien longtemps de cela...
Bon, allez, ça suffit la déprime! J'ai décidé de me visionner 'Le Magnifique,' question de voir Bebel faire le pitre.
On finira avec une petite minute philosophique: 'Ne vous plaignez pas de vieillir, un tel privilège n'est pas accordé à tout le monde.'
PS: rappelez-vous bien: On est tous des cons.
Remember Me
IMDb's link
Remember me. Or not. Probably not.
The tone is set in the first shot: you see the twin towers in the distance. Then a mother gets shot.
If you thought that was depressing, well... you'd be wrong, because it gets worse after that...
Funerals, terrorist talks, daddy issues, mommy issues, brother issues... Of course, there's the obligatory smart-ass roommate, to provide comic relief in a film that needs it desperately. Unfortunately, the so-called humor isn't funny, so that doesn't leave much outside of this 2-hour-long weep fest. Well, not weep. But melodramatic drivel. With a main character who broods a lot. He's a brooder. There's brooding involved.
It's interesting to see Brosnan as an asshole. The dude's still got style, though. But the main character is always smoking. Because in American fims the way to show the audience that a character is depressed is by having him smoke. And it looks like his eyebrows could give Colin Farrell's a run for their money. And what's with the messy rockabilly hairdo? Get a hair cut!
And it's nice to see De Ravin, who's the quintessence of "super cute," without a rifle in her hands, obsessing about her little Aaron.
Anyway, I couldn't believe how freaking long that film was. By the 45th minute, I thought that surely it would be almost over, but no: it wet on for another 95 minutes! Come on! Chop-chop: we get it. Life sucks, you're in love.
I have to say, even though I should have, I didn't see the end coming. Maybe because I was numb by boredom, but really... it's set in New York. In 2001. How obvious is it? But in any case, I think it was 11 minutes too long, that final voice over was completely redundant and unnecessary and took away from the 'surprise.' But it's Hollywood, what can you do? At least no one ends up pregnant clutching their bellies in a way to show the audience that there is a new life coming. And I'm surprised about that.
By the way, has anyone ever seen Chris Cooper smile? Anyone? Ever? Krazee Kris Kooper!
So, did I like it? No. But I didn't hate it, even though I was bored most of the time. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Would I ever watch it again? Are you nuts? We don't even see De Ravin nude, so what's the point? (Ooooh, that was sexist!)
PS: Wait... They're Irish but put stones on headstones? Jewish-Irish? A lot of them out there. Yeah. IRA: Israeli Republican Army.
Remember me. Or not. Probably not.
The tone is set in the first shot: you see the twin towers in the distance. Then a mother gets shot.
If you thought that was depressing, well... you'd be wrong, because it gets worse after that...
Funerals, terrorist talks, daddy issues, mommy issues, brother issues... Of course, there's the obligatory smart-ass roommate, to provide comic relief in a film that needs it desperately. Unfortunately, the so-called humor isn't funny, so that doesn't leave much outside of this 2-hour-long weep fest. Well, not weep. But melodramatic drivel. With a main character who broods a lot. He's a brooder. There's brooding involved.
It's interesting to see Brosnan as an asshole. The dude's still got style, though. But the main character is always smoking. Because in American fims the way to show the audience that a character is depressed is by having him smoke. And it looks like his eyebrows could give Colin Farrell's a run for their money. And what's with the messy rockabilly hairdo? Get a hair cut!
And it's nice to see De Ravin, who's the quintessence of "super cute," without a rifle in her hands, obsessing about her little Aaron.
Anyway, I couldn't believe how freaking long that film was. By the 45th minute, I thought that surely it would be almost over, but no: it wet on for another 95 minutes! Come on! Chop-chop: we get it. Life sucks, you're in love.
I have to say, even though I should have, I didn't see the end coming. Maybe because I was numb by boredom, but really... it's set in New York. In 2001. How obvious is it? But in any case, I think it was 11 minutes too long, that final voice over was completely redundant and unnecessary and took away from the 'surprise.' But it's Hollywood, what can you do? At least no one ends up pregnant clutching their bellies in a way to show the audience that there is a new life coming. And I'm surprised about that.
By the way, has anyone ever seen Chris Cooper smile? Anyone? Ever? Krazee Kris Kooper!
So, did I like it? No. But I didn't hate it, even though I was bored most of the time. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Would I ever watch it again? Are you nuts? We don't even see De Ravin nude, so what's the point? (Ooooh, that was sexist!)
PS: Wait... They're Irish but put stones on headstones? Jewish-Irish? A lot of them out there. Yeah. IRA: Israeli Republican Army.
Field Of Dreams
If anybody actually read these reviews, I'd probably be in a shit load of trouble. But, as it stands, the four of you reading (and I mean R.M., K.C., S.P. and G.T.) will probably not mind what I'm about to write because you're not Americans (even if one of you seems quite partial to NYC).
I admit I was vaguely ashamed of not having seen this film, but I've finally watched it today.
"You're guests in my corn."
More like: "You're guests in this corny field."
This movie is probably super-touching if a you're an American male with daddy issues, because let's face it: only Americans care about baseball, the most boring game (yes, game: not sport) after cricket. Only Americans like playing catch, a pass-time which is nothing more than throwing a ball back and forth for hours on end. In the States,
this is called bonding. Only in the States can bonding mean a mindless task done without talking about anything meaningful.
If you're a man and don't do that with your son, you're a bad father. If you're an American male and your father didn't play catch with you, you're scarred for life.
I mean, come on: we're talking about an activity (yes, activity: not game) where they spell everything phonetically. Kinda like Turks, now that I think about it. For example, 'Socks' becomes 'Sox.' And to make sure it's spelled correctly, one team is just called the A's. I bet you some folks in, let's say Iowa, manage to mispell that.
So, this film is about baseball and playing catch with your dad. Or it's about a schizo dude who's hearing voices.
Sure, they throw in some scandalous book and author at some point because, let's face it, in 1989 that's the only way guys would convince their girlfriends/wives to go see this film...
What am I talking about? In 1989, they didn't know how to read in the States (as opposed to now. Haha. I love the smell of sarcasm in the evening). I should know, I was there then.
And, come on: talking about Stalin, Eva Braun, Citizen Kane? That was for the critics, because surely even now, who knows who these people are?!
Anyway... So: Mann is the black Salinger. That's cool. In fact Mr Jones is the best character in this film, at least at first.
Of course, when you see Burt, you gotta go: "Shiiiii." That was an actor. When he's on screen, you gotta pay attention, you go quiet, you have to be respectful. Get on your knees if you can.
If someone out there thinks I'm talking about Burt Reynolds instead of Mr Lancaster, kill yourself now.
I won't mention the boring and predictable conflict that was put in just because every story needs one: "We gonna lose the farm!" You think they gonna? Really? The suspense is killing me!
In the end, this feels like whatever might get conceived from the splooge-cocktail of a Mitch Albom & Frank Capra wet dream.
I've read that some people complained, because Shoeless-Joe was a left-handed player, not a right-handed one. Get a life.
In any case, if you want to complain: how could the 1919 World Series be mentioned so often without so much as a reference to Rothstein?? Oh, dear, I seem to have
uncovered my own area of geekiness... Whereas some like baseballs and bats, I like bullets and, well... baseball bats, but not used in the same way.
Anyhoo, don't get me wrong, it's a cute film, about nostalgia and the longing for better times, for when all was good. Too bad it's about baseball, though... Then again, it's about a time when players weren't overweight slobs chewing tobacco and fighting all the time. It was about the love of the game.
Oh, shit, I'm waxing lyrical.
So: end words: it's way overrated. Watchable, but overrated.
Watchable, but not necessary to lead a fulfilling life.
And am I the only guy who's jealous of Frank Whaley? It's crazy the people he's acted with and for! (Jones, Costner, and Liotta, sure; but also: Nicholson, Travolta, Tarantino, DeVito, Spacey, Stone, Del Toro, Connelly, Ryan...)
I admit I was vaguely ashamed of not having seen this film, but I've finally watched it today.
"You're guests in my corn."
More like: "You're guests in this corny field."
This movie is probably super-touching if a you're an American male with daddy issues, because let's face it: only Americans care about baseball, the most boring game (yes, game: not sport) after cricket. Only Americans like playing catch, a pass-time which is nothing more than throwing a ball back and forth for hours on end. In the States,
this is called bonding. Only in the States can bonding mean a mindless task done without talking about anything meaningful.
If you're a man and don't do that with your son, you're a bad father. If you're an American male and your father didn't play catch with you, you're scarred for life.
I mean, come on: we're talking about an activity (yes, activity: not game) where they spell everything phonetically. Kinda like Turks, now that I think about it. For example, 'Socks' becomes 'Sox.' And to make sure it's spelled correctly, one team is just called the A's. I bet you some folks in, let's say Iowa, manage to mispell that.
So, this film is about baseball and playing catch with your dad. Or it's about a schizo dude who's hearing voices.
Sure, they throw in some scandalous book and author at some point because, let's face it, in 1989 that's the only way guys would convince their girlfriends/wives to go see this film...
What am I talking about? In 1989, they didn't know how to read in the States (as opposed to now. Haha. I love the smell of sarcasm in the evening). I should know, I was there then.
And, come on: talking about Stalin, Eva Braun, Citizen Kane? That was for the critics, because surely even now, who knows who these people are?!
Anyway... So: Mann is the black Salinger. That's cool. In fact Mr Jones is the best character in this film, at least at first.
Of course, when you see Burt, you gotta go: "Shiiiii." That was an actor. When he's on screen, you gotta pay attention, you go quiet, you have to be respectful. Get on your knees if you can.
If someone out there thinks I'm talking about Burt Reynolds instead of Mr Lancaster, kill yourself now.
I won't mention the boring and predictable conflict that was put in just because every story needs one: "We gonna lose the farm!" You think they gonna? Really? The suspense is killing me!
In the end, this feels like whatever might get conceived from the splooge-cocktail of a Mitch Albom & Frank Capra wet dream.
I've read that some people complained, because Shoeless-Joe was a left-handed player, not a right-handed one. Get a life.
In any case, if you want to complain: how could the 1919 World Series be mentioned so often without so much as a reference to Rothstein?? Oh, dear, I seem to have
uncovered my own area of geekiness... Whereas some like baseballs and bats, I like bullets and, well... baseball bats, but not used in the same way.
Anyhoo, don't get me wrong, it's a cute film, about nostalgia and the longing for better times, for when all was good. Too bad it's about baseball, though... Then again, it's about a time when players weren't overweight slobs chewing tobacco and fighting all the time. It was about the love of the game.
Oh, shit, I'm waxing lyrical.
So: end words: it's way overrated. Watchable, but overrated.
Watchable, but not necessary to lead a fulfilling life.
And am I the only guy who's jealous of Frank Whaley? It's crazy the people he's acted with and for! (Jones, Costner, and Liotta, sure; but also: Nicholson, Travolta, Tarantino, DeVito, Spacey, Stone, Del Toro, Connelly, Ryan...)
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