Old Dogs

I think I was supposed to laugh at some points. Because I could imagine McDonald's-fed all-American families, eating their canola-oil-drenched popcorn, going nuts over this:
Hahaha! He didn't know he was a father!
Hahaha! Her hands got caught in the trunk!
Hahaha! He's driving slow on the freeway!
Haha, they're mistaken for grandparents!
Oh, and HAHAHA! they're mistaken for a gay couple!

Haha.
Ha.

In my mind, they (the afore-mentioned all-American families) make Max Cady watching 'Problem Child' (that's right: 1991 reference, not 1962) sound like a shy Jehova witness casting her first election ballot (can you follow this?!).

This film is just too much.
Too much shit being spoon-fed to us by the Disney Company.

Fact: the protagonists' company's building looks fake. It's a computer image. A bad one, I can do better on Photoshop.
Fact: American brats need to get slapped once in a while.

Wow, hmm... Ponder, ponder this: they're all awkward with the kids at first. Are they gonna end up loving them? Hard to tell. It is a Disney film after all.
Anyway, the only way this could get worse is if they all of a sudden decided to go camping.

Oh, fuck. They're going camping.

Well, at least they're not having some kind of super-competitive ccompetition edited to some lame rock song.

Oh.

Fuck.

Me.

Well, at least they don't have 'balls in the balls' jokes...

Oh: come on!!!

Wait: When and how did Luis Guzman end up being an extra??
And for fuck's sake: Sticking out your pinkie is NOT a sign of nobility, just stupidity!

In the end, what really irks me is that I was so busy hating this film, I overcooked my Ikea meatballs. No, this is not a euphemism. It actually happened.

You know, it's movies like these that make me miss the summer when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out. At least, then, I felt something.

In concluding, I admit that maybe I was too drunk by then, but the third act just didn't make sense at all. It is unfortunate that Bernie Mac died, it really is. But I think he'd still be alive if he hadn't been in this film. I mean: I wanted to die, and all I did was watch it.

I've crossed the line, haven't I?