Edge of Darkness

IMDb Link

HAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Sorry, sorry...
Okay. Sorry.
So....

Mphhh...
HAHAHAHHAHHHAAA!

Sorry, but Mel Gibson with a Boston accent is worse than Keanu Reaves with a Brit one, or Kevin Costner with a... Boston accent.

Just so you know, there might be some spoilers here, but you'll thank me later, since it means you won't have to suffer through this. By this, I mean the film, not my review. I think.

Anyway, this is 'The Limey' meets 'Michael Collins' for popcorn-munching morons. Or, if an untalented hack of a smurf wanted to pretend to be Costa-Gavras, that's the kind of goop you'd get. Actually, mentioning those films and this director in relation to this film makes me want to commit self-crucifixion. Or start threatening my Russian wife.

I mean, come on: Jay O. and Mr Winstone looked bored to death. I'd hate to be the latter's agent: "Why. The fuck. Did you get me. This film?" Even Mel looks bored and, since South Park ruined him for me, I kept expecting him to jump up and down, screaming: "Twist my nipples! Twist 'em! I... am on the Edge! Of Darkness! Twist 'em!"

Too bad, really... Ray & Mel... coulda been sweet. But it really ain't. It's boring and predictable and pointless.

Seriously, my main concern while watching the film was: are my spaghetti getting overcooked? (They weren't)
Now add some uninspired directing, some sub-par special effects, a bonanza of clichés (break a Bentley's window with a punch? Yeah, right. And sure: you keep a laptop that's already booted in your car, just in case someone gives you a CD-Rom. Sure. Oh, and: HAHAHAHA!! They're making weapons, but not American weapons, foreign ones. So they must be bad. Because American weapons are always good!), bad dialogue ("I'm surveilled?" Really?? "I like you." Oh, come on! "Everything's illegal in Massachusets." Except bad films, obviously! "I'm the guy with nothing to lose." Not even a career anymore, apparently... "I am SO afraid!" Hahahahaha!), and you got yourself a film that you should avoid more than a one-eyed crack-head hooker in the dark streets of Prague (trust me, I ran into one).

Even the big shocking moments were badly done, and so there was no shock. Or moment. I'm sure that a couple of intellectually-challenged teenagers out there think this was the shit. But they're teenagers. And morons. And for fuck's sake, I've just watched the super crappy finale of 'Lost,' so enough with the happy reunited dead people already!

Oh, and apparently, in Massachussets (did I spell that correctly?), cars don't change lanes or slow down when a cop car is hauling ass on the highway. Trust me, if I wanted to puke, it wasn't because of my pasta (seriously, it was quite good, thanks for asking). I can't believe this kind of shit is still getting made. In ten years, this film is going to be a frat-boy drinking game. I'm not sure what I mean by that, but just go with it.

Hmm... this being said, maybe I got it all wrong: maybe it IS a campy comedy and I wasn't smart enough to get it?!

Yeah, no. Probably not.