Hobo With A Shotgun

IMDb Link

I am getting really tired of the whole Grindhouse bullshit. It's a lazy excuse to make bad films with bad acting and horrendous writing. 'Machete' is an exception, because it's fun. But this film, well... This film takes the cake.

First, and most importantly, at least Rutger Hauer is in this, which is good for us but unfortunate for him. But as always, he's great, he's convincing, whether he's scary or touching . He can convey emotions for a lawnmower, for Christ's sake! Even when he's speaking in his Clint Eastwood voice, he's good. His lines and the dialogue is painfully bad, but he still manages to be good. Rutger, you magnificent Dutch you.

But the writing and the 'logic' of this film is complete bullshit. I get it that it's an over-the-top gorefest and it's located in some city where there's no law, only violence. I get it that the 'film-maker' wants this to look fake and all that. But you still need a little bit of logic...
For example: a guy's head is stuck in a manhole cover, then his head is cut off and gallons of blood come squirting out from the manhole cover, out of his body, presumably. But... if the head isn't attached to the body, said-body would have fallen down to the sewers. Therefore: no blood shower possible.
Then, a shotgun is grabbed from a wall in a pawn shop, and of course it is fully-loaded and we never see shells been bought. Right.
And he also somehow finds a picture of a bear.
And, uhm... The guy goes on a rampage, we assume for quite a while since newspapers have his picture and write about him. But for some reason, his mouth never stops bleeding.
And, also... his picture was in the papers. And the TV says he's unidentified.
Also, note to the director: baseball bats break bones and bruise the shit out of you. But they don't make you bleed like knives do.

And a guy spends almost a whole minute sawing a woman's head off, right on the carotid artery, but he can't do it, she just bleeds a bit. Right. Later on, she becomes a one-woman A-Team. But, hey: she's kind of hot, so who cares?
And electricity going through ice skates? Really?

And really: what the fuck is up with the giant tentacles??

As I mentionned earlier, the acting is horrendous. Not 'over-the-top' tongue-in-cheek horrendous. But more like 'I'm pretending I'm bad, but I want to be good at being bad.'
But, no: it's just bad. The main bad guy and his sons are painful to watch, they try so hard.

Then the writing... I'm sorry, but 'I see you have an empty picture frame' is bad writing. Why not just look at it and say: 'what's up with that?' Or the 'metaphor,' at least I'm guessing that's what they were going for, about the bears. And they try to have 'bad ass' comments like 'I hate hoboes!' or 'Welcome to fuck town!' or shit like that. There are so many and they're all so bad, that it's just embarrassing.
And then, the writer tries to be meaningful by having the main character talk to himself in front of a roomfull of babies, saying things like: 'I was one of you. You're perfect.' And, I shit you not: 'You are the future.'
This last line was more sickening that any of the gore.

Another logical flaw... a cop says: 'You can't beat your wife, but you can beat a whore.' Okay... so in this society spousal abuse is actually forbidden? It's allowed to have people beat each other up for money and it's allowed to cut open people in the streets, but hitting your wife behind closed doors is where people draw the line? Really?

I actually read a review on IMDb that says, and I quote: 'The best part about "Hobo" is not only doesn't it play it safe, but there's so much meaning, and depth underneath it, and is executed so strongly that the message never becomes lost or preachy.'
This was, I am guessing, written by the screenwriter or the director or someone related to them. I am saying this not only because of the dubious grammar, but because there is absolutely no meaning whatsoever and I've seen tea cups with more depth that this film. Do not pretend this is a dystopia, or how our society is getting out of control, how we are all born innocent but then end up being evil. It's not about being homeless ('Some people don't have beds, they have to find an alleway!' or 'We're standing in their homes, so let's show them some Goddamn respect!' that's deep shit. And not preachy at all.)
No, it's an excuse to show people getting killed. Some people enjoy that, I respect that. But is it too much to ask to at least have decent dialogue and acting?

And, hey, what the hell? A pseudo-70's flick with blood but almost no nudity at all? This is, in a nutshell, the problem with America nowadays.

But at least we get a school bus full of kids burned by a flame thrower, that's cool. But 10 kids is not, as the TV says 'many, many children.' And standing in a confined place like a bus and using a flamethrower would probably incinerate you, too. But whatever.

Yeah, there you go: The perfect word to describe this film:

Whatever.