Machete

IMDb Link

The story is preposterous at best. It's over the top and pointless.

And that's why it's so much fucking fun to watch, because it's bad on purpose.
It doesn't really matter that Rodriguez keeps making the same film over and over again, because it's always entertaining as hell. There's some crazy shit going on in there, I won't even talk about it to not give anything away, but trust me: it's crazy shit.

And it is a lot of fun to see De Niro, Seagal and Don Johnson playing total assholes. And you can tell they're having fun, too. If Max Cady became a senator, and the Bush staff wrote his speeches, this is what McLaughlin would be.
And Machete, well... Trejo used to be a real-life badass. I'm sure he's a very nice man nowadays, but fuck,
who'd want to ever fuck with his shit? One look from him is enough to make you weep uncontrollably.

So, if you like blood and dismemberment and hot girls shooting shit, or just standing around looking naked, then this movie's for you.
And if you don't like this stuff, then let me ask you: what's wrong with you?!
And since at this point I'm expected to make some really sexist remark... Ms Alba's buttocks and thighs
and Ms Rodriguez's stomach... Ay, coño: muy caliente!

Apart from all the nonsense, I have to say that the weirdest, most absurd thing ever is Lohan in a nun uniform. Hahaha.
My only regret is that Tarantino doesn't have a cameo where his character gets his head chopped off. Oh, well. I guess I'll have to keep that image for my dreams.

And remember this, puñeta: Machete don't text.