A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

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Why the fuck make a remake of this film? So they can remake the whole series? God help us. I was young, sure, but I don't remember the original being that campy. And I definitely remember being scared shitless by the girl in the body bag. And the elongated arms scene.

But this film, well, the only thing that's scary is that I lost 90 minutes of my life.
Yeah... because people fall asleep at funerals all the time. I mean this is a film about dangerous dreams, so you gotta have people sleep. But not at night, no. At funerals, in class, in diners. While swimming. Sure...
The dialogue's also, well... judge for yourself:
'He kept saying "you're not real." Do you have any ideas what that means?'

Well, shit, that's a tough one! I'm not sure, but it might mean: 'you're not real.'

And what's with the quasi-ominous music all the time? Oh, she's looking for her pics, cue the music.
She's making a sandwich, cue the music.
There's wind! Cue the music.
She's walking home. Cue the music.
She's petting her dog. Cue the music.

When the only way to get any kind of suspense comes solely from the music, you know you're in trouble.

And I love films set in high-schools and where all the students look like they're 30. It is set in the US after all, so it is believable.

Besides, what kind of horror film is this, when you don't even see breasts?! It's not just a sexist comment,
but it's a horror film staple that whatever girl shows her boobs will die. Anyway, she does have quite a nice ass in those white jeans of hers. But fuck this puritanical bullshit. Boobs are a no-no. Swear words: frowned upon. But show a guy slicing his own neck with a steak knife: Yeah, okay, sure. That's what happens
when you country is founded on violence (oooh, getting all political in a Freddy Krueger review!)

On a side note, Why do all the guys look like drug-addicted indie rockers? (Oh. Maybe because that's what they are.)

And what's with Freddy's voice? His face and his claws weren't scary enough so they had to use a fake-creepy voice? It sounds like the bad voice-over of some cheesy computer game.

In the end, the original was scarier, because he seemed way way more psychotic. Or maybe I was younger, I should rewatch the original.

Anyway, the solution is simple, as the guy says: "Just don't go to sleep!" Oh, ok. It's like saying: "Just stop pissing." Or "Stop blinking, and you'll be fine." But, hey at the end of the day: "You heard your mom, these are just repressed memories." Yeah. My repressed memories make me fly around my room and spill my guts all over the floor. That's what repressed memories do. Those kind of repressed memories would make Freud cream his pants.

Also, if you press 'Enter' on your keyboard, why do you also have to click the mouse? Just wondering... And since you're so computer-savvy, why don't you just google 'Badham school' instead of looking through papers? Again, just wondering...
And you know what? I've read that Clancy Brown is a very nice guy. But when I see him, I see Hadley from 'Shawshank' and he scares the shit out of me. Give him the Freddy glove, without make-up. And he'll chop off Sean Connery's head all over again.

Kudos to Wes Craven for inventing Freddy, though. When you think about it, it's the perfect way to fuck with impressionable teenagers: Scare the shit out of them. Then tell them they'll die if they fall asleep. Maybe he was the catalyst behind the whole cocaine craze of the 80s?

Oh, uhm, by the way, why doesn't Freddy try to kill the parents?

So, this film might be scary if you haven't seen the original one and if you're a moron. That's cool.
I still say that 'The Tenant' is the scariest film out there, though.