Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles

IMDb Link

What a load of fucking bullshit.

If people don't like feminists, it's because of shit like this.
It's not an important film. It's not a good film. It's not even a film.

Over three hours of absolute boredom. I realise that some elitist people will tell me that I didn't get it, that it is deep and important. That every little gesture and facial expression is wrought with meaning.
To that I say:

Bull. Shit.

I hate reality TV, where you see everyday people doing stupid every day things. This film is like this, without the hot women and the illicit sex. Well, kinda. She is a part-time prostitute.

As I've said in the past, some people equate boredom with art. They are bored to tears, but because they are, they think: 'Hmm, this must be for a reason. It's supposed to be boring. So let me overanalyze the shit out of this film to convince myself that I haven't just wasted three hours watching nothing.'
And then they will pompously lie through their teeth at cocktail parties, saying: 'Oh, Jeanne Dilman? It's my favorite film! I was flabbergasted by the dichotomy of the visual media vis-à-vis the quasi-Flauberian ennui emanating from the protagonist.'
At which point it should be permitted, if not obliged, by law, to bash their brains in with a meat tenderizer.

I dare anyone to tell me they find this film riveting or fascinating. Just watch yourself doing every shit in your mirror and you'll experience the same thrills.
Are we supposed to feel like a voyeur? Well, if so we are peeping into the most boring household in Belgium (which says a lot).

I think the director knew how boring it all was, so mistaking us for kittens, she has a blinking, moving light coming from outside, to catch our attention. And hey: I'd rather watch the light than the 'actors.'
OK, screenwriting 101: conflict! Give us something to care about! Tension! Something! But this is unfair, because obviously there was no screenplay here.

Indeed, there is no tension, there is no 'underlying current.' There is nothing. At all. For 3 hours. Seriously, watching a woman cook, do the dishes, shine shoes, make a bed, doing her shopping, peeling potatoes, taking a shower... Don't make the mistake of thinking that the action, or the story, is going to start at any moment, because it doesn't. Ever. OK, except in the last 10 minutes, where (spoiler!) for no reason she kills a john.
Sorry, but that's not what I call a film. It's not even a documentary.

It's nothing. Worse than nothing, because nothingness by definition is a void, a vacuum. This is just boring, this is a psychology test: see who will snap first in the audience. 'Cruel and unusual' punishment also comes to mind.

If this same exact film had been shot by a German in the 40s, Mengele would have used it on twins in camps, to see which one would do himself in first.

You are bored because there is silence, no dialogue. Then they start speaking and you immediately miss the silence.
Who in his right mind would buy the (Criterion!) DVD of this? Who would say: 'Hey! Today I'm in the mood to watch Jeanne Dielman. Again!' Really, two impossibilities: Being in the mood to watch it. Or wanting to watch it AGAIN.

Why is this considered an important film? Because she's in charge of her sexuality? OK. But she's still a whore. Even though she is unapologetic. Because we see how boring life is for women? Because a woman gets to torture the shit out of men in the audience with tedious bullshit? Or is it because she says no to the patriarchal society, represented by the men who use her for her body by shoving a pair of scissors in a guy's throat? Probably. But that was an easy guess, since feminism is pretty much only about that.

Apparently, all that women do are cook, fuck, and set the table. Even in a letter Jeanne reads, the writer says she has to set the table. Yeah, I get it: that's the feminist thing: that's what women are forced to do. Well, if you ask me, I'd rather they kept setting the table and stopped making bullshit films.

PS: Coming soon: "Jean Dielman II: Jeanne washes her windows and vacuums!" In 3-D!

PPS: Coming soon: Jeanne Dielman action figures! Actually, that would be kinda cool.
Oh, wait: they already exist. They're called Barbie dolls: dress 'em, 'comb their hair, have them cook! Just like a real woman! But better: because they don't fucking speak or pretend to know how to direct a film!