Essential Killing

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Wow... All the crazy shit we see the army do... Let's imagine for a second it was all perpetrated by Nazis or Commies or Talibans. We'd shake our heads and go 'fucking assholes.' But, okay... the shit we see is done by the good ole US Army. How about that? Sure, the dude is seen killing 3 Americans, so most people would say: 'Well, he fuckin' deserves it!' But... Does he, really?

I supposed, I thought, I suspected, and I hoped that this was going to be a film against the war, a film that shows the US troops being total dicks. But... It's not. It's about a killer running for his life.

Problem is: I never give a shit about the prisoner escaping. He kills people in cold blood. I don't give a shit whether he lives or not. At least Dr Kimble was innocent. And at least Tommy Lee Jones was after him. Here, it's a bearded blowjob-less Gallo running away from the evil US. Right. 'Cause Gallo is the most Muslim-looking guy in Hollywood.
No, he's not. But he sure is obnoxious.

And who is more obnoxious than him? Oh, that would be Emmanuelle Seigner!

Sure, you might say: 'But we're not supposed to like the guy!' In that case, okay. But why am I watching this then?

Anyway... My thoughts are these:

Dialogue has become the enemy of art.

Let me rephrase that...

Dialogue has become the enemy of 'art.'

Nowadays, if you shoot a film with no dialogue, people think of it as 'cutting edge' or 'edgy' or just 'cool.' And, okay: fair enough: it takes a talented director to make a story interesting without dialogue. But, also, as someone who enjoys writing dialogue: gimme a fucking break! Who are you?  D.W. Griffith? Harold Lloyd? No, you ain't. So, get over it. Really... silent moments with only okay actors looking longingly into the distance is now seen as art.
But, no. It's just a low budget film without a good writer and with an okay actor.

The director was obviously heavily influenced by Herzog and his statements about cruel nature and fucked up humans. But Skolimowski is no Herzog. At all. And it shows. But they both look like psychopaths, so that's cool. It's the whole Euro thing.

And what about Gallo? Well... 'Oooh: I'm an edgy American dude who only acts in films directed by Europeans! Or by myself. As long as the actress blows me.' I mean, really: he's like the love child of Christian Bale and David O. Russell. And a proud Republican.
What? He couldn't find another actress to blow him on screen, so he acts in this?

Yeah, I'm kinda fixated on the whole BJ thing. So blow me.

Ha!

Oooh! Edgy! I drink titty-milk! I'm edgy! It's nuts! Titty milk! Ooooh! Poor little dude: removed from the sand and dropped in the snow. He's like a Panda in the San Diego zoo. But without a mate. And with a gun. And with milk-full titties waiting for him.

Really, because an 'actor' doesn't say a word, it means he's good? Yeah. Helen Keller was the best thespian out there. She was morse-coding her lines with her eyes. What a visionary. Wow. What a pun.

Here's my pitch for a film. It will be a big hit in France and in festivals round the world:

Robert is a mid-thirties guy working for a bland company. One day, he's got a stomach-ache. The film, which lasts three and a half hours, shows him sitting on his toilet trying to shit. Not one line of dialogue. Just sound effects and music.
Powerful shit. Literally.

But back to the film at hand: I don't know what to make of the character! One minute he kinda saves a dog and the next he kills one. Friend or foe?
Let's just call this film 'The Fugitive 2.0: Richard Kimble is a Taliban. And he's not innocent anymore.'

I don't know, in the end it's a Herzog meets Sean Penn film. 'Aguirre into the Wild.' or  'The Grizzly Man Crossing Guard.' Or, okay, one last one: 'Fitzcarraldo's Pledge.'
I am basing this on nothing more than a man in the wilderness, with not a whole lot of dialogue. But, whereas Herzog and Penn can make me weep or ponder my own existence, this film just made me weep in a bad way and made me wish I had been drinking Zywiec with a straw and smoking Sobieskis (the cigarettes, not the actress) instead of watching this.

In the end, is this a film about how Americans mistreat prisoners? Nope. It's a film that shows that the prisoners kill people without pity, drink titty-milk from fat Polish maidens and generally don't give a shit about anything except living. Presumably, so they can kill more Americans. So, under the thinly-veiled disguise of an 'anti-war' film, this is nothing but pro-American propaganda (with a proud Republican as the lead. What a surprise!). And as such, my reaction can only be this:

Barf.

This is bullshit pretending to be art. This is crap pretending to be deep.

Essential killing? Because he's bearded and killed people who invaded his country? Really?

Double barf.

Last time I was this bored, I was watching paint dry. But at least I was rewarded: the paint did actually dry at some point!

Really... When did people decide that 'art' was supposed to be painfully boring? I don't know. But I say: fuck that shit.

PS: Yes, this a very Freudian review. BJs and titties full of milk are mentioned many times. Because you have read the Wikipedia entry on Freud, go ahead and poo-poo this review, why don't you.

Oh: Poo-poo! Scatology! I've just added a layer!