The Poughkeepsie Tapes

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John Cage doing a Porky Pig: the Pa Pa... the Puh... puku poughe... Poughkeepsie! Tapes! (This is an Ally McBeal reference, by the way)

'Peeping Tom' meets 'Saw,' but it was probably pitched as 'Cloverfield' meets 'The Blair Witch Project' meets 'Paranormal Activity.'

In other words, the producers jizzed their pants: cheap to make, shot on video. Then ka-ching: money pours in.

Unfortunately, it's become an excuse for talentless people to shoot things 'that look real.' Which means it's poorly lit, it's shot on video and the framing is bad. On purpose.

On top of that, you have a music score which undermines and ruins the whole effect they are going for.
Sadly, there is little suspense and little tension. As opposed to 'Peeping Tom.' Or even 'Man Bites Dog.'
It's desperately trying to be shocking, but it ends up being a big 'blah.' Shit: watch 'Cannibal Holocaust'
if you want to look at something that feels like a real snuff film.

Subtlety, where have you gone? Wherefore hast thou disappeared? Is that harlot witch hailing from Blair to blame? Or is it the demon who's afraid of the dark from 'Paranormal Activity?' I know not, but fuck: Please come back to us.

Seriously (well, not THAT seriously): nowadays, so-called filmmakers scare teenagers with the obvious things like darkness, demons, being lost in a forest at night, etc, etc, etc... And they try to make it look 'real.' Which is, as previously mentioned, another word for 'filmed cheaply.' Which means: 'Fuck the audience! Let's make as much money as we can by pretending to be edgy.' Which means: 'Fuuuuuck.' (my definition) Because even the special effects look cheap. And bad. So, really: Fuck.

Plus, after a while the killer even stops explaining why he's filming people, like the two girl scouts. 'Yeah, I was home and was just filming the paint dry. Hope that's cool and not suspicious in any way. Come on in and have some kool-aid.'

The beginning is good enough, it feels like a retro 80s spooky film. The documentary shots look realistic and once or twice you can almost believe that this is a real documentary. But then the music ruins it all. And the 'Dismemberment Expert' makes it even worse. And the stereotypical fake Asian accent from the Medical Technician... is it supposed to be funny? Comic relief?

Of course, I'm sure a couple of valley girls out there could be convinced that this is a real documentary, like a generation before believed that 'Faces of Death' was real. The difference is that the latter was actually disturbing. And some people still think it's real (even though one story is about a giant leach. Really.)...

There are some interesting ideas and it could have been a great film had it been made by Fincher (or anyone with talent) and as 'real fiction' instead of 'fake reality'. The serial killer framing people, the serial killer pretending to be another serial killer, that's kinda cool. And it also shows that profiling is absolute bullshit. Because it is, don't believe TV shows and Hollywood.

I mentioned Fincher, and that's not a coincidence because in 'Seven,' John Doe leaves no prints behind in his apartment. In this forgettable shitfest, the killer leaves... no fingerprints behind in his house! That's soooo wild!
In 'Seven,' there's a guy who was tortured for a long long time, then found by the cops. They think he's dead. But he ain't. In this Yawnville express, a woman is found after being tortured for a long long time and they think she's dead. But she ain't!
In 'Seven,' the doctor, talking about the above-mentionned man, says that he's suffered more than anyone he could imagine. In this one way ticket to Boreville, the doctor says he's never seen anyone tortured this much.

Where do they find the ideas for all this crazy stuff?! I wonder.

Then there's a typical screenwriter cop-out: the doc mentions really horrible disgusting things to make the audience wince. Then he says: "And things too horrible to mention out loud." The dumb asses in the audience (which means: the dumb asses; because who would be stupid enough to watch this film?... Oh, wait...),
at this point, gasp. But that's the screenwriter who ran out of ideas or who was afraid of sounding too cartoonish.
Then they hit you with a full-blown case of the Stockholm syndrome and some more (gratuitous) bad CGI.

Teenagers probably screamed a few times while watching this film and went 'Oh. My God. This is like. So. Scary.'

And then, let's make the squealing teenagers squeal some more by having an FBI guy say: "If your documentary ever gets released, I know the killer will be in the cinema watching." (I'm paraphrasing) Giggle and squeals all around. Meanwhile, Brad or Josh or any other fratboy is copping a feel of Heather's or China's or Courtney's breasts.

The world moves on.

But I wonder... We as a society want to watch films like 'Saw' or like this or like 'Hostel.' What the fuck is wrong with us, seriously? When will people say: "You know what? This shit looks fake anyway. I want the real thing. Give me snuff or give me death."
And then Hollywood will say: "Shit, if they want it, let's give it to 'em!"
There's a film in that.

PS: One good line: "To be perfectly honest, I don't think either of us are gonna want you alive for the things I'm gonna do to you."
PPS: Seriously, that one line is the best thing by far. By far.
PPS: If you scare easily and are gullible and thought that 'Blair Witch,' 'Paranormal Activity,' or 'The Ring' were scary, then you'll probably shit your pants with this film. You probably cried at the end of 'Titanic,' too.