The Winning Season

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I absolutely definitely needed to watch a film about a down-on-its-luck team because this is something that has never been done before, so thank God for this film. Woo-hoo! But... why is it so fucking long?!

Hey, you think the grouchy guy ends up liking his team? You think the team ends up liking the grouchy guy?
Seriously, if at this point you answered no, then, I mean... You're a sad person.

For the record, I think Sam Rockwell is one of the best actors out there, he has great talent and he can play the asshole, the funny guy or the sad guy all with equal talent. In fact, he is the only reason I watched this film. He plays an asshole, so that's cool, the few laughs come from his lines.
As I mentioned in a previous review, the best way to show that someone is an asshole is to show him... wait for it... SMOKE! AAARRGGHHH! The shame! Oh, and he drinks.
Well, shit: without booze, this review wouldn't exist. This could have been a good thing, sure, but I'm saying booze fuels the imagination. But, no: in an American film it's always a problem. And not funny. This film brought to you courtesy of AA. And I don't mean American Airlines. And I'm not kidding, either... He stops drinking, he gets back in shape, it's lovely and beautiful and as clichéd as a painting of the canals of Venice at sunset.

And then he's all sad because he's alone on Christmas Eve. Well, at least he didn't have to go to bed at 10pm because he was working the next day. Unlike some people.

But, come on: a team that nobody believes in and they get more and more popular and the msuic swells up and they shoot and they score and the crowd goes wild.

Really?

Again??

COME on!

Well, okay it's not quite like that, but close enough.

I mean, first time we see the unpopular girl, you just know she's going to be the best player in the team. And you of course know the players are going to end up loving their coach, who's gonna end up being a nice guy after all, because... Well, because to give him a back story and to show that he really is a nice guy: he is also a father, his daughter is interested in basketball but she hates him. Oh, boo hoo, so that's why he's tough on girls. He's unloved. Cue up the big fight where he's called a loser during a game where she plays against the team he's coaching. Cue the yawn. Pour the wine.

Then the daughter and the dad end up being friends again. Cue the whatever, pour the gin.

Oh, and come on! They even throw in a sexually-confused girl into the mix. Come on! That's so 2009! And there's a whole lesbian story scandal thing because this is a morality tale and we have to show that lesbians and assholes are cool, as long as they want to do teenage girls (this last part I extrapolated). So this is a film for pedophiles, be they men or women. Sexual predators: this is your film! I think the director's name is Quintana, no?

Fucking creep.

But no, there's another morality tale... one girl (yes, one of the hot ones) dates an older guy, so the coach acts fatherly and saves the day. Cue the puke. Pour the whiskey.

I mean, shit: 17 is 3 years above the age of consent in some countries. Or so I've heard.

Puh-lease. I'd have liked it better if he had been a genuine asshole, who turns out to be a pedophile who slept with the girls in his team and ends up winning the game. So, you're like: wait... should I root for him or not? I mean, come on: a couple of those girls are totally do-able.

Okay, anyway, never mind, not to change the subject, but: okay... Awkward silence...

...

So, yeah: this film was just like all the other films of its kind. But it's a waste of Rockwell's talent, if you ask me. And even if you don't, well, I'm telling you. So there.

If you think this film was good, original, or entertaining, then you're probably a moron. I'd have it checked out, it might be curable.

And the actress playing his wife, I'm sorry but she really annoys me. She always plays the same role: the nice wholesome friendly woman who smiles all the time and puts her hair behind her ear so we all go 'aaawwww' to the point where we don't hear the shitty awful things she says. She is a hateful person who should be punched in the face. Her character I mean, not her. Because I'm not into the whole violence-thing. Unless you're a hateful, smiling, bully acting like a victim.

PS: Not to go back to a touchy taboo thing, but if I had written the screenplay, I mean... a drunk coach in his home with 6 teenagers, I mean... Come on. Make it interesting. He abuses them, then they win the big game. They are scarred for life and confused as fuck because, well: they did win the big game. There's a TV show in there. Or, hell, make it a twist thingy: they all rape him and he's scarred for life, in fact he shoots himself the night of the big win and the girls have a bond no money can buy: thay raped an older guy and got him to kill himself. There's a sequel in there.

PPS: On a completely unrelated note: can someone tell my neighbor that she can't sing for shit and to shut the fuck up? Can anyone teach me to say this in Turkish?