Valentine's Day

IMDb Link


Well...

I've never seen so many white people in LA. And apparently everybody there is beautiful. And rich. Because let's face it: everybody in LA's filthy rich and toned and romantic. Yeah. I must have been the exception (except for the romantic part. Silly me!). Oh, and 18 year-olds (with perfect complexion) think they're not ready to have sex. In LA! HAHAHA!

One of the only fatso you see is an annoying guy holding up the security line at the airport.

One day in LA, fat people will be sent to camps and we'll never hear from them again.

This film is nothing more than eye candy for men and women, straight or gay. Everyone will be happy to look at the beautiful people. Anyway, there's not much else to see or watch because the story, uh... well, it's about couples on St. Valentine's Day. It's a big sweet bonanza of "awww" moments with a few giggles thrown in for good measure. And a couple of heart breaks (but still, you go "awwww" in the end. That is if you're too dumb
to know how it's gonna end). But really, were two hours needed for this? 30 minutes would have sufficed.

People fall in love, people are romantic, life's awesome, yaddee yaddee yada.

This film might be even more depressing than 'Love Actually.' And I wasn't even drunk when I was watching it.
Of course, like every happy/amusing Hollywood film, you have a 'spontaneous' fun moment where people start dancing. It was hard to keep my lunch down at that point. Whenever a film has a dancing moment with most of the cast, I want to shove an ice-pick in my right eye.
And of course you get treated to bloopers during the closing credits. Boy, oh, boy!

This is a perfect film to watch and convince yourself life is good. Thanks to it, you can forget you're being brainwashed by the media. What crisis? What misery? It's always sunny, everybody's beautiful, healthy, and happy. And as you walk out of the theater, back to your dreary lives, bumping into the overweight slobs who are brushing off the leftover popcorn on their shirts with their mustard-stained fingers, keep thinking of this film. Remember that life is good. Remember that when you get back to your overpriced one-bedroom you can barely afford and start watching Wheel of Fortune, another TV show with smiley people under bright lights.
Life is good.

And Saint Valentine's day is really about love. It's not about making money or brainwashing you.

If the powers that be decided that St. Luke's day was the day to play badminton, I bet you people would be lining up to buy badminton gear and send badminton-themed cards on that day.
We suck, we are sheep.

Wait: does it sound like I'm bitter and single? Does it?
Nah, I don't think so.

PS: In what world can Jessican Biel be single?!
PPS: You want to see a story about couples (one of whom is a sex-phone worker, too) in Los Angeles? Watch 'Short Cuts.'